Week Four, Half Way

Hey Everyone,

Week Four Half Way.  Here is some of what I read and learned! 

Hearing from God

This week I started reading a book called “Praying by the Power of the Spirit” by Neil T. Anderson.  I have only read the first chapter, but already it has had a profound impact on my prayer life!  Here are some of my favorite parts of that chapter:

“Okay Lord – I’m setting aside my list, and I’m going to assume that whatever comes to my mind during this time of prayer is from You, or is allowed by You.  I m going to let You lead my time of prayer...  Whatever came to my mind that evening was what I prayed about.  If it was a tempting thought, I talked to God about that area of weakness.  If the busyness of the day clamored for my attention, I discussed my plans with God.  I actively dealt with whatever came to my mind...  In one sense it doesn’t make any difference [where our thoughts come from] we are responsible to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ...  In the past I tried to shove evil thoughts away without much success.  But when I began to bring them to the light, I was amazed how liberating that was.  All the issues that I had been trying to ignore during prayer were issues that God wanted me to deal with.  He wanted to make me aware of matters that were affecting our relationship...  Confession to God literally means to agree with God.  We don’t confess our sins in order to be forgiven.  We are forgiven because Christ died for our sins on the cross, and therefore we confess our sins to have an intimate relationship with God...  Hebrews 4:15-16 ‘¹⁵ For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. ¹⁶ Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.’”

After I read this chapter I went out and sat out by the road outside my house.  It was pretty late at night so everything was pretty calm (relative to city life) and it had cooled off some putting it at around 85 degrees.  AS I sat I laid down my list to God and just started talking to him.  Whatever thoughts came up I prayed through and before I knew it forty five minutes had gone by.  I am the kind of person that doesn’t usually do too well just sitting still for forty five minutes and especially when it is hot out haha.  But, not having to fight all of my thoughts was incredibly freeing.  I am a sinner, and I was free to be a sinner before God, I am distracted and I was free to bring whatever came to my mind to God.  It felt like talking with a friend, and I even got some weird looks from a couple neighbors as they walked by on the other side of the street, just a white boy talking to himself.  The challenge for you reading this is to enter into a time of prayer with God where you lay down your list.  Recognize to God that every thought you have is either from him or allowed by him.  The good things and the bad things, if you have bad thoughts, distractions etc bring them to God instead of fighting to put them away or stay focused, and allow him to lead your prayer time!  I challenge you to have a great time of prayer! 

Answered Prayer

Monday of last week was a hard day at the Timothy Initiative.  George, the director, had one thing after another piling up against him and wearing on him.  The final straw was that the closing on a house that the Initiative is buying got pushed back a month.  This is a big deal because the house renovation project was going to be providing two months work for the guys, and in order to make sure that everyone was free to work on the house George had not lined up other work for them to do.  This meant that after a slow week of almost no work for the guys, and with them expecting to start work on Wednesday, George was going to have to tell them he didn’t have work for them because the house deal didn’t close.  It was right about this time and getting this news that George realized the upcoming weekend was the two year anniversary of his sister’s death from a drug overdose.  Needless to say George was feeling pretty worn down and as a leader and someone who never wants to let people down he felt really bad about not having work for the guys. 

But, this is where the real character of George as a leader came out.  Feeling like he had nowhere else to go George’s first response was to call Will, Greg, and I to come and pray about everything that was going on.  We quickly debriefed on all of the issues that had come up over the last week and we dove right into prayer.  It was a great time to just surrender to God’s control and trust that he would provide.  You can take this for whatever you would like, but it was halfway through that time of prayer that George got a text message from a friend.  In the message was an offer and description of a job that would start on Wednesday the same day work on the house was supposed to start!  After we had finished prayer, George opened and read the text and with a smile he told us the news.  God is good and the guys have had steady work on this new job :)     

I believe that God loves to provide for his children!  I believe that God responds when we are faithful to ask!  And, it is a blessing for me to be serving with leaders who know that they cannot succeed by their own strength but seek God and his provision.  The Timothy Initiative operates in faith and this is just one small story of how God has blessed their willingness to surrender and to trust His leading.

“The issue is the issue, we can only get through this together.” 

This week in Pastoral Care (which despite my hesitations is proving to be a phenomenal class) we talked a lot about how we approach a situation where someone is seeking pastoral care from us.  It was never my intention to talk about this class in my blog every week, but it is really that good so I can’t help it haha.  First of all we talked about how the person who is looking for help is the expert in their own lives and we have to learn from them.  We should go into the situation ready to explore and learn just like we were in a new country.  Within this there were three themes that we can embrace to help us be successful as we pastor:  Partners, Mess, and Limits. 

            First of all Partners means that when a person comes to us seeking pastoral care we become partners in trying to figure out what is keeping them from being whole.  The person is not the issue, the issue is the issue and we can only get there together!  Secondly Mess means that because I know I don’t have all the answers I don’t have to fear messiness. Whether that is things that don’t make sense to us, or things that don’t fit in our biblical view, owning that Pastoral Care is messy helps us to be humble.  When we don’t have all the answers it lets God remain God, the one who does the healing!   Third of all, Limits means that we understand our limits and we share them which moves us back to partnership.  It is ok to tell the person you are at a limit, “I have never experienced anything like this before, I want to ask you some questions.”

            The reason that I wanted to share this was because this week I got to talk to a friend on the phone who was seeking pastoral care from me.  I have had many conversations with this person in the past and I have never once finished a conversation feeling like I was helpful or that any progress was made...  In fact, most of the time I just didn’t know what to say.  But, after taking what I am learning in class to heart I found that I had a whole new outlook on how I should try to pastor this friend.  We ended up talking for about forty minutes and I kept the issue the issue in my head, I partnered and asked questions asking God the whole time to reveal to me what was keeping my friend from wholeness, and instead of telling my friend to get back to the rules I encouraged them to continue to seek God!  It might sound really simple as you read it, but for the first time ever in two years of conversations I actually felt like progress was made!  I am so grateful for everything I am learning in my class, and I really feel like God is using it to strengthen me in an area that I am pretty weak.  I still wouldn’t call myself very Pastoral, but by God’s grace (and grace from my friends) I am getting there.

Tamed tongues, covenant eyes, and surrendered hands. 

This week I got to lead morning devotions on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday.  Here is a short overview of each one.  On Monday, we talked about how we should work to have tamed tongues as James strongly warns in chapter 2 of his book.  James explains that the tongue is a fire that is capable of great evil and turning the whole body like a bit for a horse and a rudder for a ship.  Then looking at Matthew 12 we talked about how out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.  The words that come out of our mouth are not only a reflection of what is inside of us; they are also the first opportunity we have to bear good fruit.  Often the things that you say will be the best or worst witness to the people around you.  This is talked about seriously by both Jesus and James, so much that Jesus even says each of us will have to give an account for every careless word that we have spoken.  So we vowed to be a community of tamed tongues in what and how we talk to and about one another.

Then on Tuesday we talked about covenant eyes taken right out of Job 31:1 “I have made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl.”  Job continues to talk about how lusty eyes are a fire that burns to destruction, and that it is a sin to be judged.  We also looked at another passage in Luke 11 where again Jesus explains the eyes are the lamp of the body, and if the eyes are good the whole body is full of light and vice versa.  Here the word good in the Greek really means undivided or single fold as opposed to two fold.  We talked about how our eyes can either serve God and fill us with light, or serve our flesh and fill us with sin and darkness.  Lastly we talked about accountability and how important it is in battling out lusty eyes.  As a community we vowed to have covenant eyes.      

Lastly on Wednesday we talked about having surrendered hands to God.  Specifically we took hands to be “works” or everything that we do and make, and we looked at three questions to find what kind of hands please God.  The questions were, “are we at a place where we are working to try and earn God’s favor or his grace?”  With this question we looked at Ephesians 2:8-9 which says, “For it is by grace that you have been saved through faith – and this is not from yourselves it is the gift of God --- not by works so that no one can boast.”  We talked about how there is nothing you can do to make God love you more, and there is nothing you can do to make God love you less.  God did not love Paul more that he loved each one of us.  Jesus did not love the disciples more than he loved us.  His love for us is perfect, and it has no limit!

The second question we asked was, “are we working out of our own strength because of a lack of faith – or - Are we afraid to even make plans that are impossible without God because we are afraid he won’t show up?  With this question we looked at Galatians 3:2-3 where Paul asks the Corinthians if they are so foolish that after receiving the Holy Spirit they are trying to reach their goals by human effort.  Also we looked at a quote from one of my favorite books, Crazy Love, which says, “If life were stable, I’d never need God’s help.  Since it’s not, I reach out for him regularly.  I am thankful for the unknowns and that I don’t have control, because it makes me run to God.”    

The third question we asked was, “what can we do with our hands that is pleasing to God?”  Again with this verse we looked at two quotes from Crazy love which explain, “God’s definition of what matters is pretty straightforward.  He measures our lives by how we love.  In our culture, even if a pastor doesn’t actually love people, he can still be considered successful as long as he is a gifted speaker, makes his congregation laugh, or prays for ‘all those poor suffering people in the world’ every Sunday.  But Paul writes that even if ‘I have faith, as to move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.  If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing (1 Corinthians 13:2-3 ESV)...  Similarly, we are each given different gifts and talents by our Master.  The thing that matters most is how we use what we have been given, not how much we make or do compared to someone else.  What matters is that we spend ourselves.”  We worry so much about doing the right thing for God but here it is clear that the baseline for all of our actions should be love.  If our work is motivated from our love of God and our love for our neighbors, not to earn favor, but in faith, then we can know that we are being faithful!  We vowed together to be a community of surrendered hands!

Take it to God. Clean up the wreckage. Do it for the next guy. 

This week it was put very simply to me one of the motto’s of the Timothy Initiative.  Take it to God, clean up the wreckage, do it for the next guy.  They believe and have seen that in life the focus on your own recovery is necessary especially in the early stages.  However they have also found that to stay in a place so focused on yourself and your identity is one of the easiest ways to relapse.  Many guys come into recovery with a list of specific goals or things that they want to accomplish in their own lives.  Usually this is because they have a time frame in mind that they would like their recovery to take instead of committing to it for as long as necessary.  Often these men reach their goals sooner than they are ready to move away from an intentional community of recovery.  When this happens, they either get bored or prideful as they get everything they wanted for themselves done (“clean up the wreckage”) and often they will relapse.  This is why the last step, the move away from self, the turn to give back and do it for the next guy is so important for recovery.  For any addict the choice to remain sober and to be clean is a lifelong battle, but it cannot be handled in a place of selfishness or isolation.  Community is central to recovery, loving others has to be a part of becoming whole.  It can’t just be internal and the things we are working on ourselves, being a better person, it has to be external, are you proclaiming Jesus, are you laying down your life for others.  Addict or not I think this is something that is true for everyone.

This leads right into what we talked about this week in my History of Action class.  We talked about the Dark Ages 600-1000 AD.  In its 400 years there were no theologians, no new writings or new thinking, essentially no authentic Christian leadership.  In fact one of the only reasons that Christianity survived the Dark Ages was the fact that the Rome never reached Ireland.  In a very interesting book called “How the Irish Saved Civilization” this truth is spelled out in the story of a slave named Stephen who brought Latin and Christianity to an illiterate Ireland and then their love for literacy and copying and preserving literature.  Essentially Ireland was just tucked away, just weird enough to stay off the radar and preserve Western Civilization and real Christianity.  The reason this was the only real Christianity was because in the rest of Europe there was no healthy mission and Charlemagne was going around and baptizing by sword (Either you get baptized and convert or you die).......

So, all of that being said this is what we concluded on in our class.  We are not Jesus people if we do not proclaim his name publically to the world.   If we do not preserve and put forth the message; there should be no doubt.  Mission is not an option it is a necessity. If we are to be Christ followers there are only three real places we can follow him, to mission, to death (physical and metaphorical), and to resurrection.  Some questions we have to be asking ourselves are who am I serving in my life, who am I mentoring, and who am I trying to reach?    

Things to be Praying For

Please pray for the coming weekend as I am planning on spending it homeless with Dale!

Pray for safety and efficiency on the job site with the guys this week since we are a little behind schedule on our current job. 

Pray for me as I continue to serve.  Please pray specifically that this week I will continue to have consistent and productive prayer times with God! It is the desire of my heart to be more holy than what people see, and never less.  I really want to dive deeper into my prayer life!

Thankyou for your prayers!  Proclaim Him this week!

~Kyle

Ricky Gives

 6.25.11

Overview.  Well the overview of this post itself is, a theological puzzle, a story of true generosity, humility and the rejection of shallow community, and a hot job.  In general it was another great week.  I got to hang out with Erica (my friend from UNH who lives here) this weekend and we rode the trolleys and buses around Ybor, saw a movie, and went to the aquarium downtown.  I ran out of gas in the van we call Savanna because the gas gauge is broken.  While we were out the van Erica and I were mistaken for the band that was supposed to be playing at a bar in Ybor haha.  I went to the beach.  I ate Chick-fil-a for the second time in my life.  I picked up the Haiti team from the airport.  I lit a doghouse on fire intentionally.  I turned the wrong way on a one way street.  And I had my first Cuban from the legendary sandwich shop on Palm Ave.   

Here is the theological thought/ puzzle for the week.  This comes right out of my pastoral care class and I warn you now it is tricky and ground to be treaded lightly.   Take all that I say with a grain of salt and don’t forget the context of this discussion is focused on pastoral care to someone who needs it.  I am not going to take a stance but sort of overview the discussion and thoughts so you can wrestle with it yourself, and if you would like give some feedback!  Ok here goes.

Is Sin a crime or an illness? 

 What we talked about in class is that we typically understand sin as a crime.  This means that when we advise or pastor people we see them as law breakers and our attempts to help them get back on track usually look something like telling them to follow the rules.  In some ways as American Christians we get very stuck on rules.  The problem with this is that Jesus does not focus on the external law, but instead he intensifies it, and internalizes it.  He says in the Sermon on the Mount, “You have heard it said, but I say...” as he redefines the purpose and heart of the law.  Anger in your heart is the same as murder, lust with your eyes and mind is the same sin as adultery.  Here my teacher explained he thinks that “Jesus did not die to make us Christians [or simply “righteous” rule followers like the Pharisees], he died to make us true Human beings back in touch with our creator...  there is one thing deeper than original sin and it is original glory.”  Taking the view of sin as a crime further, what Jesus did on the cross was show us a good example.  He displayed the punishment that is equal to sin and that as sinners guilty of crimes against God we all rightfully deserve.

On the other hand if sin is an illness than what Jesus did is he cleared the way for us to get back to health, to be justified with God, to return to how we were created and created to be, “very good.”  One important note here is what the word justified actually means... If I push a book to the edge of a table so that they line up perfectly and there is no longer an edge what I have done is justified the two things.  This is what it means to be justified, to be made perfectly aligned with. 

The problem that this view creates is the question whether or not God would send a sick person to hell.  The answer to this question we are talking about in class next week, but so far here is what I think.  Sin is an illness that results in crimes against God.  However the real crime of this illness is the rejection of the Holy Spirit.  If a person is sick, but, there is a cure that works 100% of the time and results in a full recovery and they refuse to be well they are choosing illness, and they are willingly choosing death over life.  At the end of their lives they will have rejected grace and healing (and the Holy Spirit’s conviction) and will remain unjustified with God and separated by their own choice.

So with all of this in mind as we pastor people we have to think about the end goal.  Are we trying to only to get people back to the rules and a law that is perfect and in so doing destine them to fail, or are we trying to help them get well not to keep all the rules, but to be truly alive?  Like a doctor my professor argues that the thing that is needed is not to heal, but to discover the impediment to healing.  That essentially is what doctors do and the body heals itself.  Likewise pastors seek to find the impediment to right relationship with God and he takes care of the healing!!!

Ricky Gives

6.23.11 Today we went to move some bags from one shelter in Tampa to a motel where a woman was staying with her four kids.  This woman named Sarah has been all over to different shelters and having run out of options she was going to be out on the street and lose her kids.

Ricky is paying for a woman and her four kids to live at a shelter for a week.  That costs him the last two weeks of his own pay, which amounts to literally all of his money until his next paycheck.  On top of this, currently one of the main things he needs to do is pay off some outstanding debt from his own past.  Money is not something he has to give, or even to pay his own debt, and yet without hesitation he saw a woman and her four kids that would have been on the street, and then broken apart as the kids were taken from her, and he responded and sacrificed for her.  The story doesn’t stop here. 

Last night at the weekly Timothy Initiative bible study Ricky asked the other ten guys if they would be willing to put some money towards helping Sarah and her kids.  None of the guys have money to give, they live on food stamps and whatever work the Initiative can provide while they look for more permanent work.  Overall they collect 160 dollars which is enough to put Sarah and her kids in a motel or a shelter for at least another week.  These are the type of men I work with.  They are judged and looked down on by society.  They have lived on the streets, in the woods, and in numerous shelters and rehabs.  They have been disowned by family, dislocated from the places they know as home.  They have been close to death at their own hands and the hands of others.  They have lost everything including control.  And yet while they are still in the process of recovery, they give from the little that they have, some of them giving all that they have when they see a need in someone else’s life.  IS THIS NOT THE FULFILLMENT OF THE KINGDOM ON EARTH! These men have answered Jesus call to come and die to themselves even as they have to daily make a conscious choice to stay sober.  They give sacrificially, not from abundance and it reminds me of a story in the Bible.

Mark 12:41-44

 ⁴¹ Jesus sat down opposite the place where the offerings were put and watched the crowd putting their money into the temple treasury. Many rich people threw in large amounts. ⁴² But a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins,^[a] worth only a fraction of a penny.^[b] 43 Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, “I tell you the truth, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. ⁴⁴ They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on.”

I just listened to a sermon from the Underground today that talked about poverty.  Here is some of what it included.  Poverty is mentioned over two thousand times in the bible and it breaks the heart of God.  Twenty percent of the world’s population has about 75% percent of the wealth.    The middle forty percent has 20 % leaving the bottom forty percent 5% of all the wealth in the world (that is almost half of the world’s population).  Even if you hold the belief that those who are poor are there because of their own bad choices you have to consider the children, “the lower class of the lower class.”  For every two of the 2.4 billion children alive right now, one of them lives in poverty...  How beautiful is it that the men of the Timothy initiative see this need AND act, and how challenging it is for us!  God cares about the poor.  Will we?  Even in the little things.  We can spend less, we can consume and waste less, we can use things until they break, we can live simply and with the money we save we can give more!   

Real Community and a Step in Humility

6. 23.11 Last night I got to participate in the “Giddens House” house meeting.  There are six men living in the three bedroom house and the meeting was called by the two leaders of the house Ricky and Danny to try and resolve some issues that had come up.  The guys have open space to bring up issues and talk through and resolve them so that there is no lingering animosity and the issue is totally squashed.  As the meeting went on there was one guy who was consistently brought up in issues with the other guys in the house.  As everyone tried to talk to him it was obvious by his body language that he wasn’t listening and didn’t really want to even be a part of the meeting at all.  This guy is fairly new to the house and the biggest issue that they more senior guys brought up was that they felt he was guarded to the point that they were not able to develop a relationship with him.  The real issue that they wanted to get at was that they refused to have community that is shallow, and they rejected partial life conversion to Christ (how awesome is that).  They were lovingly calling this man out of his shell and to be willing to initiate community and as brothers to live in grace for one another. 

As it went on the meeting really turned into a time for everyone to talk to him about how community is an opportunity to serve, and that he himself said he wanted to move into the house to be around good people and positive influences.  At this point I was thinking to myself how I would respond if I were in this man’s shoes and I know that I would have felt ganged up on, defensive and in my pride not have been willing to listen.  But, as a surprise to everyone all of a sudden his body language changed an in an incredible step of humility he agreed with what was being said and explained that it was really hard for him to open up and to let anyone in, but he knew that he needed work and wanted to commit to real community.  Though I had been silent the whole meeting at this point I had to speak up.  When he had finished the meeting started to dissipate as a couple side conversations started.  Before everyone ran off I called out to this guy across the room and just told him that I wanted to affirm what he had just done and that I gained a lot of respect for him in the way that he ate his pride and in humility took criticism.  All the other guys chimed in to agree and in what was a cool moment for myself they said, “that’s why we invited Kyle.”

                As I reread I realize that this might not seem like a big step for some of you reading, but let me set up the scenario a little bit for you.  First of all, every man living in the house is a recovering addict.  Secondly, whether it is from living in the streets or having spent time in prison most of the guys who are new come in with a prison mentality in that they feel like they have to look out for themselves and that they can’t trust anyone else.  On top of this I mentioned that this man was new to the house and though they are pursuing real community it doesn’t happen overnight.  A critique from a brother and a critique from a new friend are two very different things to try and stomach.  The Giddens House is a complicated and diverse community with some of the guys fresh off the street and others having a job doing international banking, but all of them are choosing to recover together. 

Hard Work

6.24.11 and 6.25.11 Over the last two days I helped out at the “Hub” (which is the Undergrounds main building) by painting the roof.  Essentially the goal was to coat the black and grey shingle on the flat roof with a reflective white pain to cool off the room below.  Total we were painting about a fifteen hundred square feet of roof and there was intermittently two or three of us painting.  What I do have to say is that for the first time Tampa was hot in a way that really lived up to the warnings I got from just about everyone I talked to about coming down.  The heat on the roof was intense, and since we were on a roof there was no shade or protection from Florida’s tropical sun.  But, it was good to help, and actually it was good to have some hard work to do.  I had a good conversation at lunch the other day about how it is good to do work.  A lot of the time we do work in order to rest, and I wonder what it would look like to rest in order to get back to work.  Honestly in the world around us there is plenty of work to do and even looking back to the garden God has given us work to do as a blessing!  It is always when I am idle that I get myself into trouble or seek after things that I shouldn’t, but after I work and created and accomplish I feel alive.  I rejoice in doing work and even more so in doing God’s work!

 

Things to be praying for:

Pray for me as I lead the morning devotion Monday through Wednesday next week.  Pray for me as I prepare, and as I deliver them.  Pray that God will direct me to the topics and scriptures that the guys need to hear and that he will speak truth to them trough my words!

Please continue to pray for my housemate David and I was we continue to pursue a weekend homeless as an opportunity to learn about and be humbled by poverty.

Pray for the scientology complex in Ybor and the people in it.  I am going to get their free tour sometime next week and I am going to try and have a conversation about Jesus with my guide.  I will most likely get kicked out if I do, but I have nothing to lose.

Pray for Sarah as the Timothy Initiative guys try to help her get more long term help.

Pray for the Giddens House as the men living there pursue real community and real recovery in Jesus name!

As always thank you so much for your prayer and support.  It is the end of week three and I feel like I have learned an incredible amount and have been blessed with month’s worth of experiences.  It has truly been a blessing to come and serve in Tampa!

In His Love,

~Kyle

City Life

Here are a couple quick funny stories that come from living in a city and working with addicts, some new some old...

In the home depot parking lot today a guy runs over and stands outside my window right as I get in the car.  After he was beckoning for me to roll my window down and I figured he looked harmless I opened the door because the window was broken.  He hands me two business cards and says whenever you want to get that hair cut I work at a barber shop across the street well fix it up real nice.

Sam stole Jason’s shoes after he had been mentoring him a little while, the next day he came back to Jason and asked him if he could have some money...  Jason replies, “dude you stole my shoes,” and when Sam denies it Jason points and says, “you’re wearing them.”  Looking down for a second Sam says without missing a beat, “so can I have that money?”

James is stealing cds from John's car and Two guys from the Timothy Initiative rolled up and caught him red handed as cds were falling out of his pants, and he says to explain, “I just wanted cds...”  they replied, "you need to get out of here you are not allowed on our property anymore", and looking at them he said, “ok but can I keep the cds?”

Yesterday Greg was sitting at a parking light and a guy rolled up and beckoned for him to roll down his window, when he did the guy said, "your car is a piece of shit, I can fix it for you." Greg rolled up his window, but then he has to deal with the awkward moment of where do you look until the light turns green.

Today the Pink House dog Jack got spayed, earlier this week he got a shock collar for his barking, it was a rough week for him, feel free to pray for him as he recovers  :)

He's gunna do what I tell him to do

This is a three part update.  The first part is a cool moment I had with God and some of my thoughts about it.  The second two parts are stories and they are very hard so know that before you begin reading.  This is all true and not exaggerated, I have found that life in its real forms doesn’t need any embellishing and I have tried and am trying to capture that for you.  I also need you to know that as I write this it is helpful for me to process.  Don’t forget that these stories are about real people, and they should make you sad, not to be a downer but because I think it is important that these stories are heard...

                That being said here is the quick overview, and as always the prayer requests are at the end.  This week was a much slower work week so I got to do a lot more administrative stuff with George and Will, as opposed to the hands on work with the guys.  That was pretty cool since this week one of the things that happened was they bought another house!  Another neat thing I got to do was designing a new brochure for the Timothy Initiative which came out awesome!!!  I also had my second week of classes and they were even better than the first.  One small but cool thing from my pastoral care class was a connection that our teacher made, he had us read three verses and it went something like this, “Grace is power, the power to provide the exception...  1 peter 5:5 “God gives grace to the humble,” Proverbs ?:? “Humility is the fear of the Lord,” Psalms ?:? “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of Wisdom,”  so God gives grace to those who fear the Lord, and that is the beginning of wisdom, so power comes to the humble, and we know this because Jesus says “the meek shall inherit the earth,” and the earth being land at this time is power”...   and it continued on.  Needless to say that was a cool class.  This week I got to go to the Timothy Initiative bible study on Thursday night with all the guys.  We had dinner and read scripture and it was a great time of community and fellowship!  One funny note is that Jack the Pink House Dog now has a shock collar because of his barking habits.  So every time I walk in the door now I have to say “don’t do it Jack, don’t bark” and he always does anyways and gets shocked haha.  It has created some funny moments for sure and actually I think he is learning since in general he is barking a lot less now.  Last night I played softball with a couple of the guys on their church league team and I was the DH.  I batted four for four and scored three runs!  Overall it was another great week and although there were some difficult moments which I have written about in my blog and will write about here I am continuing to learn a lot.  Oh and I experienced my first Florida thunderstorm and it was almighty and awesome!!!

                Part 1  To be Faithful

6.17.11  Tonight as we sat down to pray I had some time to talk about my past a little and specifically my last relationship.  Saying the name and thinking back to all that happened I was sort of cut off by it being time to begin praying.  We spend a fair amount of time here listening to try and hear what God has to say or what he wants to be prying about, but specifically we invite the Holy Spirit and are still before him.  As I began to listen and switch gears from reminiscing to looking forward God started to bring many of my aspirations to my attention, even asking me what were some of the things I aspire to.  I thought about becoming a husband, and then someday a father, having children of my own, adopting more.  I thought about learning to play a stringed instrument probably guitar and leading a family in worship. I thought about next year and Intervarsity Staff, and even just being a good roommate.  I thought about aspiring to be gentle and humble, two things that probably are not very often said of me today.  I also thought about some things I used to aspire to be like a pilot, a hockey player, wealthy...  As I wrestled with God and asked him why he was bring all of these things up why my aspirations was something he was interested, what he was trying to tell me I felt like he led me to another question?  Why do I aspire to these things in the end what is it that I really want?  The interesting thing is that my response felt like it came from somewhere deep within me.  Longing and desperately calling out I felt my heart offer the words, “to be faithful, what I really want is to be faithful.”  For all of you reading this I don’t know how to explain how cool it was to have that moment with God, it felt like he was proud of me, and I almost cried as I realized that was what I really do want at the deepest level.  Now that doesn’t mean I am anywhere close to reaching that goal, but it is the aspiration of my heart and my life.  That is what I want, and I have never known a greater joy than pursing God and watching him work in and around me.  I don’t know exactly what God has for me or how he will use me, but I am willing to follow him into wherever and whatever he wants me to go.  What do you aspire for/ to become?  Why is it those things that you aspire to?  What is it that you really want?  What is the cry of your heart? 

Part 2- Bobby

This first story I want to tell you is about a new member of the Timothy Initiative named Bobby.    Bobby is not an addict and has never been one, but instead he suffers from Huntington’s disease.  If you don’t know what that is, which most people don’t, let me give you a rundown.  It is a genetic disease that results from having too much of a specific chromosome.  It usually hits in adulthood, and once you have the disease it slowly kills you over the course of 12-15 years.  During that time period part of your brain starts to literally disintegrate and fall apart.  Some of the side effects of this process is sudden jerking movements and twitches, dementia, sever anxiety and awkwardness in social situations, and in general it is extremely painful.  There is no known cure and the treatment is dedicated to slowing the effects and making the pain bearable.  One of the number one killers of people who have the disease is suicide. 

That being said Bobby has no family.  He used to live with them in Montana before his disease really started to hit hard.  He had a job, but after getting a ticket and not paying it he eventually lost his license.  He continued to drive and eventually he was arrested for driving without a license.  At that point his family kicked him out and he decided to travel with a cousin down to Miami who said he had work and a way to make some money.  On the way down Bobby and his cousin got pulled over and his cousin was arrested and taken to jail.  For the first time Bobby ended up in Tampa and on the streets.  In Tampa his disease started to severely affect him to the point where he can no longer hold a regular job and had no chance for employment.  The next step for Bobby was getting into a program that helps the homeless, but unfortunately this ended up being a bad situation.  At the program he was taken advantage of and even though he worked every day he was never paid.  On top of this, while he was in the center he found out (all at once) that his brother had committed suicide as a result of the disease, his mother had died, and his cousin was dying.  Since his father had died a while back Bobby was alone.   

Thankfully, at this time, he met and was taken care of by a homeless alcoholic man who is legally mentally retarded.  The man who took care of him has such a big heart that for a while he was worried about leaving the streets himself because he didn’t know who would take care of Bobby.  After a while though Bobby ended up disappearing and so he decided to get sober.  Once he joined the Timothy Initiative, he worked hard to track Bobby down until he found him and got Bobby into the Initiative just last week.  Now that Bobby is living in one of the T.I. houses George and Will are working on getting Bobby a proper diagnosis and the proper treatment to help as much as possible.  He is welcome to stay as long has he is willing.  George explained to me that the Timothy Initiative is not just about addicts, but all men who are in the margins of society.  Part of their vision statement reads as follows:  “To defend and care for the lives of the castaways, the unknowns, society’s throwaways and the lost by providing a sense of belonging, stability, self esteem, security and love.”  To be on the side of those who have no one on their side, I believe that God is always there, and I can see him working in the Timothy Initiative as they care for and love men like Bobby...

Please be pray for Bobby.  Pray for healing, pray for comfort, pray for hope...  Bobby is 30 years old, and I wish I was a better writer here I wish I could move you or make you understand, I wish I could spell it out or paint the picture with my words but I’ll I can say is that sometimes the only appropriate response to the injustice of this world is to weep, I have wept for Bobby.

        

Part 3 – Dale

So I have to preface this section of the post with a warning there is some graphic language...  This is what I could piece together of a real conversation with Dale who is still living in the woods and It is all quoted as close to exact as I could get it.

 There is a lot more than what I could recreate but here is some of what stood out.  The stuff that is not in here isn’t any better.  There is a lot of relational background and also Dales past that you don’t have and really the point of this is to show you a real piece of what it means to work with addicts, and the difficulty of what the Timothy Initiative is doing.

............

Dale:  He’s going to do what I tell him to do.  There comes a time in every kids life when they have to learn that you do as I say not as I do.  He will do what I say, he won’t do what I do

Will:  Dale you know that what you do is a bigger influence on him, how are you going to stop him from doing what you are doing.

Dale:  He won’t do what I am doing, I won’t let him anywhere near me while I am out in the woods and I won’t take him with me if I go fishing, and I will be sober when I see him

Will:   So what if you call me like you do about three times a week at one or two in the morning and your son is staying on my couch and he asks me who it is and I have to tell him that’s your father drunk in the woods

Dale:  Well I won’t do that.

............

Will:   answer this question what is more important, you drinking or your son having a good life?

Dale:  Well he will do what I tell him to do

George:  Dale that isn’t an answer man, if you can’t answer that question I am not even going to entertain this

Dale:  Well you are putting those two things together and I don’t think they go together

.............

George:  So let me ask you again which is more important, you drinking or your son having a good life

Dale:  I don’t care about neither one of those things, he will do what I tell him to do, he wont do what I do, call him and ask him he will tell you.

George:  Do you want your son to have the best options

Dale:  Well I want him to have a choice

George:  But not the best choice

Dale:  I want him to have a choice and to be out of the environment he is in and he will come down here and he will do what I tell him

Will:  Don’t you see that we feel the same way about you.  WE see you making bad decisions and we care about you and are telling you to stop but you won’t we are worried about our son just like you are worried about yours...

George:  So Dale what are you going to say to your son if he comes down here to live with us and he likes us and what we are doing and he meets Kyle and they hit it off since they are close in age and he finds out you came here too and we tried to help you, and he asks if we kicked you out and we tell him no you just left.  You will be teaching him that he can do whatever he wants just like you.

Dale:   don’t have to know nothing about it

George:  Dale you don’t think your son is going to ask where does my father go every night

Dale:  Well he’s not stupid, he knows, he has seen a tent before, I’m going to tell him this weekend, ill call him tomorrow

------

Dale:  I don’t like crowds and I don’t like a lot of people around I don’t need no fifteen friends around me, and whatever around me.  Because then you depend on them and if you can’t love yourself by yourself you are never going to love yourself with people, you can’t depend on them you have to depend on yourself. You should have seen my last apartment I put cardboard in all my windows so I didn’t have to see out. And on the weekends I could just relax and watch tv and listen to my stereo and have  a few beers and I wouldn’t know what time it was am or pm unless I checked my cell phone and I could just get away from and ignore all the problems outside in the world.  I got 53 years and I can tell you by experience you gotta love yourself first before you are with other people

George:  That’s true dale but its not normally used when talking about carboarding up your windows to lock yourself  in  room but as step one learning how to love yourself...

Dale:  haha Well that’s not actually why I did it I had to use cardboard for insulation because I didn’t have storm windows

George:  Dale you are asking us to buy a plane ticket, fly your son down here, let him, a rebellious teenager come and live with us, and help him get his GED and help him get a good job while you are out in the woods drinking and not taking responsibility

Dale:  Kinda that’s what it boils down to

George:  Why don’t we drop the kinda Dale that’s what it is...

Dale Will asked you a simple question and you couldn’t answer it, any good father would answer that question of course I want what’s best for my son

Dale:  You put those together, I don’t see it that way, you see it how you want to see but I don’t see it that way maybe I am messed up but I don’t see it that way

George:  We know you don’t see it that way dale you are living in the woods in a tent so you can drink beer and you don’t think that’s a problem

George:  Dale Will and I would love to help you and help your son, but I don’t want to take him out of a stable environment and bring him down here into a bad neighborhood and to his father who is showing him that he can do whatever he wants so the choice is up to you Dale if you are willing to check into a rehab and get sober we can try to bring your son down so that we can raise him while you get sober and hopefully reunite the two of you when you get your life in order.

Dale:  I don’t think I have some big problem with alcohol.  I DON’T WANT to go to some rehab, there is nothing wrong with having a few beers, and I have stopped before...

George:  Dale you have every right to drink but the problem is that you are you are asking Will and I to raise your son so that you can live in the woods and drink beer and not be responsible

Dale:  Well maybe I am

George:  Lets go without the maybe Dale that is what you are asking

Dale:  Well I don’t see it like that                                                                                                                                              

I can’t remember exactly what was said here but I know that Dale was talking about sacrificing for his son and Will and George were asking him what exactly he sacrificed since he really hasn’t sacrificed anything nor is he willing to.  Dale couldn’t answer and George told him that he hadn’t sacrificed anything (which is true) and this was the end of the conversation because Dale yelled this at George and walked out....

Dale:  When you got that fucking goddamn crazy bitch (his ex wife) driving you crazy to the point where you are thinking about killing her literally, you could set it up, pull it off, and probably get away with it and just be done with the problem, but then you come to your senses and decide to walk away...  Its all about fucking power play, power play, whose got more power in court out of court at home... I haven’t sacrificed anything ha! I haven’t sacrificed anything....

                ::Dale leaves::

I don’t know if you have ever had a conversation that physically and spiritually drains you, but after this I had to go and lay down.  What do you do with the person who doesn’t want to get well?  How do you help and unwilling person to see?  You can’t.  What then do you do when that person is family, or someone you love?  George and Will offer any man who wants to get well the opportunity and resources they need.  They walk side by side with them through the pain and darkness of life.  They show them that life is meant to be lived, and that with Jesus freedom from pain, isolation, addiction, depression, fear and hopelessness is possible.  George and Will love Dale.  Can you try and imagine how it feels to have him walk out at the end of that conversation, what it feels like to see brokenness in his life and to offer help but to be turned down?  Having listened to the conversation myself all I can say is that I felt helpless and sad.  There is a deep rooted pride and selfishness in human beings.  It’s easy to judge someone like Dale, someone where the effects of his brokenness are visible on the outside.   I think what is harder is to realize what you see in Dale is an indicator of something about the human condition, something about you and me.  We are broken too, prideful too, selfish too and it is by the grace of God that we are not living in the woods running from problems and responsibility that feels too big to bear. 

For those of you who are Christians reading this, you have a hope that is needed by the Dales in the world, and even if your conversation or effort ends in rejection I know George and Will will tell you that the effort is worthwhile.  Either way as God’s people we cannot ignore this need, and we cannot overlook the poor.  Are you willing to sacrifice to take part in this work?  Where in your city, or town are there needs?  What need is God calling you to meet?  And as it says in Acts 22 God has chosen you to be his witness, “And now, What are you waiting for?”     

And for those of you who are not Christians, Jesus said that he came for the poor and the lost.  He said that it is not the healthy who need a doctor but the sick.  The interesting thing about his statement is that he is not implying that anyone is healthy since he also explains that he came for everyone.  When someone is in Dale’s position, living in woods, an alcoholic, it seems like the need for a savior would be obvious, that brokenness and sickness would be easy to recognize.  BUT, the tricky thing about pride is that it is a blinding sin and it is almost impossible for us to recognize our own pride.  Dale won’t recognize his own need for help, for a savior, and in fact it is more than not seeing the need, Dale willingly chooses brokenness when he has the opportunity to by whole.  It is tempting to think that we can be our own god, our own savior, that we are healthy because we have wealth or education or opportunity.  I believe that there is a God shaped whole in all of us and that we were created for right relationship with him,  I believe that he is love and while at times it is difficult to see him in our middle and upper class realities he is violently at work amongst the poor warring against injustice by his very nature as love.  Jesus offers an open invitation to everyone, he provides the resources and opportunities needed to help you get well, to return to right relationship with the God who created you, a father who loves you, and I know it breaks his heart when we walk away from his offer; when we choose hell...  Have you ever asked God to show himself to you?  Are you willing to bring your brokenness to him and ask for help?  How would your life change if you decided to follow Jesus?  What are you waiting for?

What can you be praying for?

Pray for Bobby, pray for Dale

Pray that I can walk forward into my desire to be faithful, that I will continue to see and follow God’s leading

Pray for me as David and I pursue living homeless for a weekend.... Pray for safety  but also just pray that we will be able to come into a deeper understanding of and care for the poor!

Praise God that tonight my good friend Erica had her debut event for a catering micro business within the Underground where all the extra food goes to the poor!!!

Pictures

The First Couple are for Sean

Here is the Heat Transfer Machine in the Print Shop.  makes a print on a piece of paper that is set and then later pressed into the shirt

 Shirts coming out of the dryer

 The six screen six station standing press!

 Heat transfer from the paper onto the shirt

 The final product

 My Room

 The books I am reading all at once haha

 We live simply, no furniture, tv, radio, well pretty much anything besides a mattress and books

The lights don't work in my bathroom so I had to buy a plug in light and hang it from the ceiling, also my toilet tends to not keep water in the tank so it has to fill before you flush everytime.  Oh and my shower curtain is resting on a quarter inch piece of tile on either side so occasionally it falls down :) 

 My housemate David, we spent three hours yesterday fixing the dishwasher and garbage disposal and hole in our ceiling and the drain in his shower and the drain in his sink...  they all work now though 

 Smelly water mixed with really old clogged food from the previous residents

 The bosses at breakfast (george left will right)

 The Telford House, aka my house

Lastly across the street from me this is "the Pink house" for obvious reasons.  It is home-base for the Timothy Initiative