A Big Week!

Update 7.17.11

                First of all I want to say that I know these are long and I don’t expect you to read everything unless you really want to.  That is why I always put my prayer requests at the bottom so you can skip there at any point.  That is also the reason that I divide everything into sections so you can pick parts that seem interesting to you.  I want to be thorough as I process and also in an effort to be transparent and hopefully bring some of what I am experiencing to life for whoever reads this (know that each one of these usually only gets to half of what I wanted to talk about for that week).  Thankyou for your support and prayers! 

This was a tumultuous week with some big changes happening within the Initiative.  I feel like I accomplished one of my big objectives of the summer and I have been doing some thinking, so watch out!

Adequacy

I mentioned earlier in the summer that the cry of my heart is simply to be faithful, and it has continually come up all summer in most of my quiet times.  Over and over I have come to God just laying down my plans and opening up to whatever he might have for me. As we prayed just the other night I felt this overwhelming desire again, but this time I was able to put my finger on a second emotion that I think has been there the whole time.  Mixed in with that desire was the fear (maybe even belief) that I wouldn’t; I would not live up to what God was calling me to.  I know myself, I know my track record and I am so thankful that God sees me as I am becoming.  He knows what I can accomplish, but there are still times when along with my desire to obey I have a dread that I simply won’t.  I can place this as a lack of faith, and although I know the truths of scripture about God being in control, and that the Spirit is leading me, I still doubt, or feel inadequate and destined to fail. 

Anyways, I discussed some of these feelings with my pastoral care teacher and I got a little emotional about it.  He replied, smiling, “You must be one of those human beings I have been hearing about.”  That was so simple but so encouraging.  I am writing about this because I think adequacy is something that many of us struggle with in some form or another.  As I look at the movement of God on my campus, and some of the ways I believe he has called me to lead, and when I look at this community in Tampa and the ways he is calling me to contribute here and in the future, I often go to Him and, like Moses say, “I think you have the wrong guy because of x,y,z.”  But, I can also say that in my life it is these moments of feeling helpless or inadequate that really drive me to rely more fully on God, and he has always been faithful.    

Trust the Spirit.  We are going to fail, a lot.   God can use even our worst to bring himself glory, that is redemption by definition, and he loves to do it in our lives.  I know that adequacy will be something I always wrestle with.  I know that my desire to be genuine and never hypocritical, as well as to be faithful, will continue to cause me to doubt my own ability, but I also know that as long as I run to God in those times he will see me through.  In my weakness he is strong.  I will leave this with a quote from a book I am reading called Radical by David Platt, “Why would we ever want to settle for Christianity according to our ability or settle for church according to our resources?  The power of the one who raised Jesus from the dead is living in us, and as a result we have no need to muster up our own might.  Our great need is to fall before an Almighty Father day and night and to plead for him to show his radical power in and through us enabling us to accomplish for his glory what we could never imagine in our own strength.”

Structure Diagrams, I like them (my breakthrough)

For the sake of length, , let me boil down the details of one of the biggest goals of my summer and how God broke through and opened my eyes to something I had been seeking for a while.  Over the last three years at UNH, we have been changing the structure of how we do things to try and empower students and reach the lost.  There is a lot of information in this section, so feel free to skip it if it doesn’t interest you.  I will do my best to make my conclusions in the last paragraph of this section so you don’t miss too much.  Here is the super boiled down version that leads to what I have been thinking about this summer in my train of thought: 

Intervarsity structure change over the last three years, lessons and dreams in that process, hope of a ministry the does discipleship and evangelism at the same time, that teaches students how to do community, to be the church, and to live a life that constantly reaches out to others.  My dream longing desire for an empowered body of believers at UNH!  Bring the Kingdom!

This week in a conversation over lunch, I discussed Intervarsity and what I have been doing at UNH the last three years with Jeremy, the Director of Micro Church Development with the Underground.  Jeremy is an Intervarsity guy and worked on staff for ten years.  He is also a 1 on the Enneagram  (a Reformer), like myself.  (Big side note: The Enneagram test is it is a personality test that is divided into nine parts.  You take a forced answer quiz and it gives you your result.  It is very interesting and helpful especially in community and you can check it out here if you would like, if you do tell me your results in the comments below: http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/Tests_Battery.asp (click on the free RHETI sampler).)  Reformers are typically:

“The principled, idealistic type. Ones are conscientious and ethical, with a strong sense of right and wrong. They are teachers, crusaders, and advocates for change: always striving to improve things, but afraid of making a mistake. Well-organized, orderly, and fastidious, they try to maintain high standards, but can slip into being critical and perfectionistic. They typically have problems with resentment and impatience. At their Best: wise, discerning, realistic, and noble. Can be morally heroic.” 

If you know me well, that fits.  The reason this is important is because Jeremy and I speak the same language, are motivated largely by the same things and both have a desire to try and reform the structure of how we do Intervarsity on our campuses to empower students and to put outreach at the heart of everything we do. ..  It was an incredible conversation.  I don’t even know where to start nor do I think you really want to read all of it, but I took a couple key things from the conversation that opened my eyes to what feels like a missing piece in the current structure at UNH.

So here is the conclusion.  I am dreaming about legacy, not my name, but about what I am leaving as I graduate this year.  What will Intervarsity look like next year?  How can I pass off and raise up leadership and leaders?  This summer I have constantly been asking how I am going to take what I am learning here and apply it at school; how I am going to prevent everything I am learning from being only head knowledge and not affecting my heart to action.  I have wrestled, felt stuck against a wall, and have been constantly praying for God to help me to know how to lead at UNH this year.  As I talked with Jeremy, racked my brain against his, and just threw ideas out I really felt God opening my eyes to answers to so many of my questions.  That night I spent four hours taking a structure diagram Jeremy sent me and reworking it to fit the UNH campus.  More important than a diagram, it is an outline within which I believe we can do ministry that holds discipleship and evangelism in harmony, while simultaneously keeping both at the heart of what we are about.  Are the Christians in the group growing closer in their walk? Are they seeing God move, moving to follow him, and praising him the whole time? Are they then being sent out to being good news to the lost in an intentional and invitational way?  These are my questions as I evaluate what I am doing at UNH and I am excited about what came together that night.  I believe that God has big plans for UNH, and I am excited to be a part of them!

The Issue

Two recovering addicts in the Initiative acted like full blown addicts this week, and much of the week was defined by dealing with their behavior and the resulting consequences.   The Giddens house has six men living in it who are recovering from various forms of addiction.  This week, two of the men who live there decided to go to a restaurant and, while they were there, have some drinks.  Neither has an alcohol addiction, but this directly breaks the rules of the house that they live in. Both men are married, but separated from their wives.  One of these men , I’ll call him Bob, is separated from his wife because he has a severe sex addiction and has been unfaithful many, many times.  Bob currently is working to get his wife and kids back, but in the mean time have no contact with his wife (and really no right to contact her until she is ok with it).  The second man, I’ll call him Sam, is separated because of his gambling addiction, amongst other things.  Both men in their addiction are manipulators.

                While they were out, Bob somehow found out that his wife was going out, but could not find out who she was with or where she was going.  He began to fear the worst that she was out with another man and, in a desire to control the situation, he began to call around to try and find out where she was.  When he saw that Bob was upset, Sam asked him what was wrong.  Bob explained the situation to Sam (who is very early on in recovery) and in reply Sam suggested that he could try and find out through his wife who is in friend circles with Bob’s wife.  The two continued to manipulate the situation by calling around and harassing some of Bob’s wife’s friends...  Eventually the two came home and they ended up telling their housemates about the drinking.  Because he was upset, Bob went down the street to a park where he likes to hang out.  While this doesn’t seem like a big deal, the problem is that it was late at night, the park is known for prostitution, and he is a sex addict.

                This is the situation that George and Will had to respond to, not only to the breaking of house rules, but more importantly, to full blown addiction mode, and Bob, who is six months into his recovery, making such a big mistake and acting like he hasn’t learned anything.  At a meeting to discuss the issue, Bob apologized for drinking and breaking the rules, but George explained to Bob It wasn’t about the drinking, it was about the manipulation the desire for control.  

                As George continued, he explained to Bob that there were four things from the night that Bob did wrong which showed George that he was acting in addiction mode.  First, he fell into a situation that caused him stress and he didn’t call his sponsor.  Instead, he went to Sam knowing that he would get what he wanted to hear.  Second, he made himself the victim in the situation and forgot that he has no right to know where or whom his wife is with.  Third, he drank. Even though it is not his addiction, drinking impairs one’s judgment and is not a good idea for anyone in recovery.  And fourth, he put himself in a position to relapse.  He went to a bar full of other people with impaired judgment and a sex addiction.  What would happen if a girl in the bar who has been drinking sees a good looking man and comes over?   And, finally, he put himself in a position to relapse by going to the park where there is known prostitution.

Bob wants to do what is right, but wants to be told what to do. He asks for grace and mercy every time he makes a mistake, but as a manipulation tool, not because he is truly repentant or ready to take initiative in his own recovery.  Because of this George and Will gave him two options:  pursue his own recovery by taking initiative, finding a new sponsor to replace George (so he cannot just rely on George telling him what to do), and moving into the other Initiative house called the Seward house, or leave.  Thankfully he chose to stay and he has now moved into the Seward House. Pray for Bob as he continues his recovery and works towards reconciliation with his wife!

Sadly, the meeting with Sam did not go as well.  People have to want recovery.  This is true for any man who begins this process in his life.  George and Will were warned that Sam did not want it and was not repentant, and in ministry to recovering addicts you cannot work with someone who is unrepentant and unwilling.  This is why Sam was wrong right from when he joined the Initiative.  Whether it was the fact that he was late to his first meeting about joining, or that he wanted to wait a couple weeks until he joined, there were many signs that he was not ready and George and Will take responsibility for not seeing that as leaders.

While the meeting with Bob was marked by his repentance and humility, and finally his good decision to take initiative, the meeting with Sam was marked with a prideful attitude, and the questioning of George and Will’s authority.  The meeting was like pulling teeth; Sam kept trying to change the subject to talk about other people, even saying, “I wish I could talk to him because I don’t know what he told you,” as if he wanted to get his story straight.  George and Will tried to explain, but he didn’t get that it was not about the drinking.  He tried to explain away the whole night as roomie bonding.  Eventually, in a last ditch effort, Will explained the night as he saw it by saying:

I see two addicts going to a bar, one addict leading the other who is doing well.  He is on step ten of the twelve steps, and he is working with his wife and kids to try and get them back.  But, addict 1, under the pretense of bonding, manipulates the situation with the sex addict’s wife.  So, now, in direct consequence of these actions, the sex addict has to start the steps over, he has to find a new sponsor, and he could have lost his wife and kids forever.

After he finished, Will explained to Sam that he had two options: either quit his job and check into a rehab program with the Initiative as a sponsor, or leave with an invitation to help from the Initiative whenever he decided he wanted to be well.  Even though George and Will gave him 24 hours to pray and decide, early the next morning he packed his bags, called for his checks and left.  Pray for Sam.

                One of the biggest problems in this whole scenario was misdirection.  Satan made it about drinking in the guys’ minds, but that is not what it was about; it was about addictive behavior.  George and Will were less concerned with a rule being broken.  The real issue was that Bob, after six months, seemed to have made very little progress in his recovery, and Sam, who was still fairly new, clearly had the wrong motives (housing) and didn’t actually want to be well.  George and Will truly want to see whole life change in these men’s lives.  It is not about obeying the rules, but becoming fully human again in the way that God has created them and to strip away the mentality of poverty or helplessness, to help these men take initiative in their own recovery.  But, they can only point the way and do their best to handle situations like this one with wisdom and grace. 

A question         

        A couple weeks ago in my History of Christian Action class we came across an interesting question.  We were talking about St. Francis and his life and, in particular, an event where he goes before the Pope to request permission to start his own order (monastic movement).  We watched a video on youtube about the event (which you can watch here if you want http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-msmuDZfRs  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYH2WS3CU6A  watch this one to 6:42). This portrayal shows Francis who is a Mendicant (a monk dedicated to extreme poverty) entering the Vatican for the first time.  Overwhelmed and greatly troubled by the building and decorations and excessively lavish clothing of everyone inside, Francis begins to quote Matthew 6:19-34ish, talking about not storing up treasures or worrying.  At first he is thrown out, but then the pope, convicted by the scripture, calls to have him brought back in.

        In the conversation that follows, the Pope listens to Francis’s request and, in his humility, one of the questions that Francis asks is essentially:” Is it presumptuous of us to read the Bible and try to live like Jesus lived?”  (not that you need to know but if you didn’t watch the video the Pope tells Francis that he has put everyone in the Vatican to shame because of his great faith in God and before the Pope gets swept away by the Vatican people around him he blesses Francis to start his order and kisses Francis’ hands and super dirty feet.)

This is a great question.  I think very often our natural response to reading Scripture is that something is different now than it was then that makes it so that we cannot possibly live like Jesus lived, or live like the church in Acts.  So the question I will leave you with is whether or not this is true.  Is it presumptuous to read Scripture and try and live like Jesus lived?

Things to pray for:

·        Praise: we got work for the contracting business from a company that buys and sells homes.  Today was our first day of work and it went really well.  If all goes well this opportunity could provide constant work for Initiative Builds forever, and help open the door for Will and George to help even more men.

·         A new guy in the initiative, Jeff.  Jeff came to Will and George asking for help to change his life and since then has moved into the Pink House, started working with the Initiative, and is now six days sober and counting.  Pray that God will give him the strength to continue this fight.

·         Praise: the family that Ricky has been helping and I have been asking you to pray for is in a home for six weeks as of Wednesday and they now have the opportunity to turn their lives around!

·         Pray for one of the men, Jefferson.  This week he moved from the Seward house which is four guys and fairly individualistic living to the Giddens house which has six people and is all communal living based.  The reason for this move is that he needs community – no one can be a deeply spiritual person alone, and if we are not reaching out to and discipling others we can’t really be faithful.  The desert fathers who went to be monks in the desert to get away from a corrupt church in the first few centuries AD mostly had encounters with demons in their time of isolation.  This is true for Jesus, as well. He goes to the desert to be alone but instead he finds and is tempted by Satan.  George and Will believe the next step for Jefferson’s growth is to move from extreme isolation to community and mission.  Please pray for his transition.

·         Pray for me as I try to make the most of the last two weeks!  Pray that I will continue to learn, grow and be stretched while I am here in Tampa.

      Again thankyou.  In His Love,

  

      ~Kyle