This is a three part update. The first part is a cool moment I had with God and some of my thoughts about it. The second two parts are stories and they are very hard so know that before you begin reading. This is all true and not exaggerated, I have found that life in its real forms doesn’t need any embellishing and I have tried and am trying to capture that for you. I also need you to know that as I write this it is helpful for me to process. Don’t forget that these stories are about real people, and they should make you sad, not to be a downer but because I think it is important that these stories are heard...
That being said here is the quick overview, and as always the prayer requests are at the end. This week was a much slower work week so I got to do a lot more administrative stuff with George and Will, as opposed to the hands on work with the guys. That was pretty cool since this week one of the things that happened was they bought another house! Another neat thing I got to do was designing a new brochure for the Timothy Initiative which came out awesome!!! I also had my second week of classes and they were even better than the first. One small but cool thing from my pastoral care class was a connection that our teacher made, he had us read three verses and it went something like this, “Grace is power, the power to provide the exception... 1 peter 5:5 “God gives grace to the humble,” Proverbs ?:? “Humility is the fear of the Lord,” Psalms ?:? “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of Wisdom,” so God gives grace to those who fear the Lord, and that is the beginning of wisdom, so power comes to the humble, and we know this because Jesus says “the meek shall inherit the earth,” and the earth being land at this time is power”... and it continued on. Needless to say that was a cool class. This week I got to go to the Timothy Initiative bible study on Thursday night with all the guys. We had dinner and read scripture and it was a great time of community and fellowship! One funny note is that Jack the Pink House Dog now has a shock collar because of his barking habits. So every time I walk in the door now I have to say “don’t do it Jack, don’t bark” and he always does anyways and gets shocked haha. It has created some funny moments for sure and actually I think he is learning since in general he is barking a lot less now. Last night I played softball with a couple of the guys on their church league team and I was the DH. I batted four for four and scored three runs! Overall it was another great week and although there were some difficult moments which I have written about in my blog and will write about here I am continuing to learn a lot. Oh and I experienced my first Florida thunderstorm and it was almighty and awesome!!!
Part 1 To be Faithful
6.17.11 Tonight as we sat down to pray I had some time to talk about my past a little and specifically my last relationship. Saying the name and thinking back to all that happened I was sort of cut off by it being time to begin praying. We spend a fair amount of time here listening to try and hear what God has to say or what he wants to be prying about, but specifically we invite the Holy Spirit and are still before him. As I began to listen and switch gears from reminiscing to looking forward God started to bring many of my aspirations to my attention, even asking me what were some of the things I aspire to. I thought about becoming a husband, and then someday a father, having children of my own, adopting more. I thought about learning to play a stringed instrument probably guitar and leading a family in worship. I thought about next year and Intervarsity Staff, and even just being a good roommate. I thought about aspiring to be gentle and humble, two things that probably are not very often said of me today. I also thought about some things I used to aspire to be like a pilot, a hockey player, wealthy... As I wrestled with God and asked him why he was bring all of these things up why my aspirations was something he was interested, what he was trying to tell me I felt like he led me to another question? Why do I aspire to these things in the end what is it that I really want? The interesting thing is that my response felt like it came from somewhere deep within me. Longing and desperately calling out I felt my heart offer the words, “to be faithful, what I really want is to be faithful.” For all of you reading this I don’t know how to explain how cool it was to have that moment with God, it felt like he was proud of me, and I almost cried as I realized that was what I really do want at the deepest level. Now that doesn’t mean I am anywhere close to reaching that goal, but it is the aspiration of my heart and my life. That is what I want, and I have never known a greater joy than pursing God and watching him work in and around me. I don’t know exactly what God has for me or how he will use me, but I am willing to follow him into wherever and whatever he wants me to go. What do you aspire for/ to become? Why is it those things that you aspire to? What is it that you really want? What is the cry of your heart?
Part 2- Bobby
This first story I want to tell you is about a new member of the Timothy Initiative named Bobby. Bobby is not an addict and has never been one, but instead he suffers from Huntington’s disease. If you don’t know what that is, which most people don’t, let me give you a rundown. It is a genetic disease that results from having too much of a specific chromosome. It usually hits in adulthood, and once you have the disease it slowly kills you over the course of 12-15 years. During that time period part of your brain starts to literally disintegrate and fall apart. Some of the side effects of this process is sudden jerking movements and twitches, dementia, sever anxiety and awkwardness in social situations, and in general it is extremely painful. There is no known cure and the treatment is dedicated to slowing the effects and making the pain bearable. One of the number one killers of people who have the disease is suicide.
That being said Bobby has no family. He used to live with them in Montana before his disease really started to hit hard. He had a job, but after getting a ticket and not paying it he eventually lost his license. He continued to drive and eventually he was arrested for driving without a license. At that point his family kicked him out and he decided to travel with a cousin down to Miami who said he had work and a way to make some money. On the way down Bobby and his cousin got pulled over and his cousin was arrested and taken to jail. For the first time Bobby ended up in Tampa and on the streets. In Tampa his disease started to severely affect him to the point where he can no longer hold a regular job and had no chance for employment. The next step for Bobby was getting into a program that helps the homeless, but unfortunately this ended up being a bad situation. At the program he was taken advantage of and even though he worked every day he was never paid. On top of this, while he was in the center he found out (all at once) that his brother had committed suicide as a result of the disease, his mother had died, and his cousin was dying. Since his father had died a while back Bobby was alone.
Thankfully, at this time, he met and was taken care of by a homeless alcoholic man who is legally mentally retarded. The man who took care of him has such a big heart that for a while he was worried about leaving the streets himself because he didn’t know who would take care of Bobby. After a while though Bobby ended up disappearing and so he decided to get sober. Once he joined the Timothy Initiative, he worked hard to track Bobby down until he found him and got Bobby into the Initiative just last week. Now that Bobby is living in one of the T.I. houses George and Will are working on getting Bobby a proper diagnosis and the proper treatment to help as much as possible. He is welcome to stay as long has he is willing. George explained to me that the Timothy Initiative is not just about addicts, but all men who are in the margins of society. Part of their vision statement reads as follows: “To defend and care for the lives of the castaways, the unknowns, society’s throwaways and the lost by providing a sense of belonging, stability, self esteem, security and love.” To be on the side of those who have no one on their side, I believe that God is always there, and I can see him working in the Timothy Initiative as they care for and love men like Bobby...
Please be pray for Bobby. Pray for healing, pray for comfort, pray for hope... Bobby is 30 years old, and I wish I was a better writer here I wish I could move you or make you understand, I wish I could spell it out or paint the picture with my words but I’ll I can say is that sometimes the only appropriate response to the injustice of this world is to weep, I have wept for Bobby.
Part 3 – Dale
So I have to preface this section of the post with a warning there is some graphic language... This is what I could piece together of a real conversation with Dale who is still living in the woods and It is all quoted as close to exact as I could get it.
There is a lot more than what I could recreate but here is some of what stood out. The stuff that is not in here isn’t any better. There is a lot of relational background and also Dales past that you don’t have and really the point of this is to show you a real piece of what it means to work with addicts, and the difficulty of what the Timothy Initiative is doing.
............
Dale: He’s going to do what I tell him to do. There comes a time in every kids life when they have to learn that you do as I say not as I do. He will do what I say, he won’t do what I do
Will: Dale you know that what you do is a bigger influence on him, how are you going to stop him from doing what you are doing.
Dale: He won’t do what I am doing, I won’t let him anywhere near me while I am out in the woods and I won’t take him with me if I go fishing, and I will be sober when I see him
Will: So what if you call me like you do about three times a week at one or two in the morning and your son is staying on my couch and he asks me who it is and I have to tell him that’s your father drunk in the woods
Dale: Well I won’t do that.
............
Will: answer this question what is more important, you drinking or your son having a good life?
Dale: Well he will do what I tell him to do
George: Dale that isn’t an answer man, if you can’t answer that question I am not even going to entertain this
Dale: Well you are putting those two things together and I don’t think they go together
.............
George: So let me ask you again which is more important, you drinking or your son having a good life
Dale: I don’t care about neither one of those things, he will do what I tell him to do, he wont do what I do, call him and ask him he will tell you.
George: Do you want your son to have the best options
Dale: Well I want him to have a choice
George: But not the best choice
Dale: I want him to have a choice and to be out of the environment he is in and he will come down here and he will do what I tell him
Will: Don’t you see that we feel the same way about you. WE see you making bad decisions and we care about you and are telling you to stop but you won’t we are worried about our son just like you are worried about yours...
George: So Dale what are you going to say to your son if he comes down here to live with us and he likes us and what we are doing and he meets Kyle and they hit it off since they are close in age and he finds out you came here too and we tried to help you, and he asks if we kicked you out and we tell him no you just left. You will be teaching him that he can do whatever he wants just like you.
Dale: don’t have to know nothing about it
George: Dale you don’t think your son is going to ask where does my father go every night
Dale: Well he’s not stupid, he knows, he has seen a tent before, I’m going to tell him this weekend, ill call him tomorrow
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Dale: I don’t like crowds and I don’t like a lot of people around I don’t need no fifteen friends around me, and whatever around me. Because then you depend on them and if you can’t love yourself by yourself you are never going to love yourself with people, you can’t depend on them you have to depend on yourself. You should have seen my last apartment I put cardboard in all my windows so I didn’t have to see out. And on the weekends I could just relax and watch tv and listen to my stereo and have a few beers and I wouldn’t know what time it was am or pm unless I checked my cell phone and I could just get away from and ignore all the problems outside in the world. I got 53 years and I can tell you by experience you gotta love yourself first before you are with other people
George: That’s true dale but its not normally used when talking about carboarding up your windows to lock yourself in room but as step one learning how to love yourself...
Dale: haha Well that’s not actually why I did it I had to use cardboard for insulation because I didn’t have storm windows
George: Dale you are asking us to buy a plane ticket, fly your son down here, let him, a rebellious teenager come and live with us, and help him get his GED and help him get a good job while you are out in the woods drinking and not taking responsibility
Dale: Kinda that’s what it boils down to
George: Why don’t we drop the kinda Dale that’s what it is...
Dale Will asked you a simple question and you couldn’t answer it, any good father would answer that question of course I want what’s best for my son
Dale: You put those together, I don’t see it that way, you see it how you want to see but I don’t see it that way maybe I am messed up but I don’t see it that way
George: We know you don’t see it that way dale you are living in the woods in a tent so you can drink beer and you don’t think that’s a problem
George: Dale Will and I would love to help you and help your son, but I don’t want to take him out of a stable environment and bring him down here into a bad neighborhood and to his father who is showing him that he can do whatever he wants so the choice is up to you Dale if you are willing to check into a rehab and get sober we can try to bring your son down so that we can raise him while you get sober and hopefully reunite the two of you when you get your life in order.
Dale: I don’t think I have some big problem with alcohol. I DON’T WANT to go to some rehab, there is nothing wrong with having a few beers, and I have stopped before...
George: Dale you have every right to drink but the problem is that you are you are asking Will and I to raise your son so that you can live in the woods and drink beer and not be responsible
Dale: Well maybe I am
George: Lets go without the maybe Dale that is what you are asking
Dale: Well I don’t see it like that
I can’t remember exactly what was said here but I know that Dale was talking about sacrificing for his son and Will and George were asking him what exactly he sacrificed since he really hasn’t sacrificed anything nor is he willing to. Dale couldn’t answer and George told him that he hadn’t sacrificed anything (which is true) and this was the end of the conversation because Dale yelled this at George and walked out....
Dale: When you got that fucking goddamn crazy bitch (his ex wife) driving you crazy to the point where you are thinking about killing her literally, you could set it up, pull it off, and probably get away with it and just be done with the problem, but then you come to your senses and decide to walk away... Its all about fucking power play, power play, whose got more power in court out of court at home... I haven’t sacrificed anything ha! I haven’t sacrificed anything....
::Dale leaves::
I don’t know if you have ever had a conversation that physically and spiritually drains you, but after this I had to go and lay down. What do you do with the person who doesn’t want to get well? How do you help and unwilling person to see? You can’t. What then do you do when that person is family, or someone you love? George and Will offer any man who wants to get well the opportunity and resources they need. They walk side by side with them through the pain and darkness of life. They show them that life is meant to be lived, and that with Jesus freedom from pain, isolation, addiction, depression, fear and hopelessness is possible. George and Will love Dale. Can you try and imagine how it feels to have him walk out at the end of that conversation, what it feels like to see brokenness in his life and to offer help but to be turned down? Having listened to the conversation myself all I can say is that I felt helpless and sad. There is a deep rooted pride and selfishness in human beings. It’s easy to judge someone like Dale, someone where the effects of his brokenness are visible on the outside. I think what is harder is to realize what you see in Dale is an indicator of something about the human condition, something about you and me. We are broken too, prideful too, selfish too and it is by the grace of God that we are not living in the woods running from problems and responsibility that feels too big to bear.
For those of you who are Christians reading this, you have a hope that is needed by the Dales in the world, and even if your conversation or effort ends in rejection I know George and Will will tell you that the effort is worthwhile. Either way as God’s people we cannot ignore this need, and we cannot overlook the poor. Are you willing to sacrifice to take part in this work? Where in your city, or town are there needs? What need is God calling you to meet? And as it says in Acts 22 God has chosen you to be his witness, “And now, What are you waiting for?”
And for those of you who are not Christians, Jesus said that he came for the poor and the lost. He said that it is not the healthy who need a doctor but the sick. The interesting thing about his statement is that he is not implying that anyone is healthy since he also explains that he came for everyone. When someone is in Dale’s position, living in woods, an alcoholic, it seems like the need for a savior would be obvious, that brokenness and sickness would be easy to recognize. BUT, the tricky thing about pride is that it is a blinding sin and it is almost impossible for us to recognize our own pride. Dale won’t recognize his own need for help, for a savior, and in fact it is more than not seeing the need, Dale willingly chooses brokenness when he has the opportunity to by whole. It is tempting to think that we can be our own god, our own savior, that we are healthy because we have wealth or education or opportunity. I believe that there is a God shaped whole in all of us and that we were created for right relationship with him, I believe that he is love and while at times it is difficult to see him in our middle and upper class realities he is violently at work amongst the poor warring against injustice by his very nature as love. Jesus offers an open invitation to everyone, he provides the resources and opportunities needed to help you get well, to return to right relationship with the God who created you, a father who loves you, and I know it breaks his heart when we walk away from his offer; when we choose hell... Have you ever asked God to show himself to you? Are you willing to bring your brokenness to him and ask for help? How would your life change if you decided to follow Jesus? What are you waiting for?
What can you be praying for?
Pray for Bobby, pray for Dale
Pray that I can walk forward into my desire to be faithful, that I will continue to see and follow God’s leading
Pray for me as David and I pursue living homeless for a weekend.... Pray for safety but also just pray that we will be able to come into a deeper understanding of and care for the poor!
Praise God that tonight my good friend Erica had her debut event for a catering micro business within the Underground where all the extra food goes to the poor!!!
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