Finishing Well

FINISHING WELL:  Who am I à who will I be à how will I live in light of everything God has taught me

                How do you write a final update for a summer like this one?  I have procrastinated writing this because part of me is sad that it is over.  I would love to stay, but I know that it is time to go.  The biggest piece that I have taken from this summer is a return to simplicity.  I want to be faithful, to know Jesus and to be obedient to Him!  I believe that living out of that desire as a community will empower us to change the world, literally. 

The three questions I want to address with this post flow directly out of that simplicity for me.  Who am I, who will I be, how will I live in light of everything God has taught me? 

OUR IDENTITY IN GRACE à THE POWER IS NOT FROM US (who am I)

Beyond this we are a community of Grace.  As Paul says in 1 Corinthians 15:10 “By the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not did not turn out to be in vain. On the contrary,^(A) I worked harder than any of them,^(B) though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me.”  First in this verse we see that it is God’s grace that defines us.  We once were lost but now are found; we are sinners saved only by grace, and because of this we love the world from a place of humility.  We consider others better than ourselves!  Second, this verse says that God’s grace for us was not in vain.  Instead God’s grace in our lives has motivated us to work hard to bring the good news of Jesus to everyone we can.  It motivates us to change the world.  Third in this verse we see that the power comes not from ourselves, but from the grace of God in us.  Our identity, motivation, and empowerment are all wrapped up in God’s grace.  It is this grace He calls us to bring to the world - The same grace He calls us to invite the poor, the lost, the burdened, the sick, the orphaned, the widowed, trampled, oppressed, the captive, and the overlooked into.

“Our God is greater our God is stronger, God you are higher than any other”.  If God is not the driving force behind our plans they will be powerless.  “If our God is for us than who could ever stop us?  If our God is with us than what could stand against?”  Do we understand this, do we believe this?  Friend it is no small thing to say that the spirit of GOD lives inside of us.  The world hears this claim and asks us where our power is.  It has to be God.  The good news is that he is greater.  We have the blessing of Pentecost, the power of the Spirit manifest.  As I think just about returning to campus in just about every other thought and this knowledge gives me so much excitement and joy.  There is an impossible amount to read, study, analyze, do, philosophize, or theologize about, but is this really what God wants for us?  Know Jesus.  Walk with him and develop relationship with him; that is what really matters.  The power comes from God!

Who am I?  Answer:  I am a sinner saved, sent, and empowered by the grace of a God who dwells in me.

UNITY IN CHRIST (who will I be)

                As I have studied Christian history this summer I have seen a lot of fluctuation in Christian practice.  The church has gone from extreme to extreme, and has spent a lot of time arguing and fighting about how to practice belief.  Many times this struggle gets so far from Jesus that the church even loses sight of him for a while, and instead pursues money, power, or authority.  But, throughout history I have also seen a number of groups from all time periods and all over the world that are in unity.  Groups that have never met or even heard of each other calling for the same reforms of the church, living similar lives out of the same values.  Brian Sanders explains this phenomenon by explaining that Jesus is like a tuning fork, and throughout history, the church has fluctuated from his center like a sign curve.  But, at times when that curve crosses the center, the original pitch rings out as the Spirit moves in a community of believers. 

                When I think about who we will be, I believe that we are called to this same unity.  We are not called to structure, we are not called to denomination, and we are not called to a particular side of a theological debate.  We are called to Resonance with Jesus Christ.  We have to be a people willing to constantly evaluate and reform ourselves.  To check ourselves against the tuning fork of Jesus and when we are off key to retune ourselves back to him.  This is what unites us.  Jesus unites us.  On Sunday we had a guest speaker at Crucible named Hud, and one of the points that he made about this topic came from the story of the Prodigal Son.  He explained that in the story there are two sons, one who thinks he can earn his sonship, and one who thinks he can lose it.  But, the truth is that both are wrong, they are stuck, they are sons.  They may be bad sons because they are not using their gifts/abilities to glorify their father, but he still wants to throw them a party.  If we are in Christ, if we are surrendered to him we are sons and daughters.  If we stay in resonance with Jesus we will be united with brothers and sisters around the world.  Isn’t that awesome!?!

                Who will we be?  Answer: Sinners united in faith, sinners saved and sent in grace for the sake of the world.   Members of the New Generation living in light of a resurrected Savior, and sent in God’s power to defy the reality of a fallen world.

BEING A COMMUNITY OF DRAW (how will I live in light of everything God has taught me)

The way that we live, the things that people see us do will be the biggest witness to what we believe.  Thankfully, our job is to be drawing people out not persuading or convincing them (That is the Holy Spirits job).  Like Jesus says to the first disciples in Matthew 12 “come and see,” our lives should say “come and see” to everyone who sees them.  Our lives, our joy, our fullness, our rest, our contentment, our liberation, and our reality are draws.  In them we should incarnate Jesus for the world to see, and that is what will draw people to him!  We work so that the world might see our good deeds and praise our Father in heaven.  We live in a way that is set apart so that there is no doubt that our identity, motivation and empowerment come from Him and his grace.

But, there is an important distinction that we have to make.  We live this kind of life not out of duty, but out of desire.  We are not liberated from, we are liberated for - It was for freedom we were set free; free to follow our desire to love our father.  We are free of duty, and in fact duty cannot take away or earn an ounce of God’s love for us.  We have no right to be prideful because of stuff we do for God, and we have no right to be ashamed because of stuff we don’t do for God.  Either one of these things is a perversion of God’s love.  Jesus himself models this as we read in Hebrews 12 which says that Jesus endures the cross for JOY despising its shame.  Jesus pushes away shame, he pushes away the isolation that comes when we feel like we have not fulfilled duty, and instead his primary motive for going to the cross was joy/desire.  God wants us to be in relationship with him out of desire for the joy that can only be found in His will for our lives.

The biggest thing that I learn from these truths is that the greatest witness I have will not be an event, a speech, or any one moment.  The greatest witness I have will be how I intentionally live my life.  Everything I do can either be a witness or not.  It can be done with purpose, or without purpose.  Intentionally keeping an awareness in my head to be wise how I act towards others, looking for opportunities in all of my conversations, and continually seeking to invite and allow the spirit to convict!  This can be as simple as telling my friend that I am going to a Christian event when they ask where I am off to.  Or it can be something more elaborate like presenting the gospel to a stranger I started a conversation with.  The goal is simply intentionally living for the glory of God in everything I do, instead of restricting him to parts of my life.  Being a witness, the aroma of Christ, salt and light. 

How will I live? Intentionally, invitationally, and a “liberated for” life.

A CONCLUSION: A community without walls

I am a sinner saved, sent, and empowered by the grace of a God who dwells in me.  We are sinners united in faith.  Sinners saved and sent in grace for the sake of the world.   Members of the New Generation living in light of a resurrected Savior, and sent in God’s power to defy the reality of a fallen world.  We will live intentionally, invitationally, and a “liberated for” life.

                As sad as it is to leave a place like this, it is time to go.  There is hope that this identity of grace, community of draw, and Unity bring.  Wherever we go in the world we will have family.  There will be believers who resonate with Jesus and in an instant we have an eternal connection with them.  Taking this even further we also have hope and joy in the global community that we build.  We can know that there are brothers and sisters working hard for the sake of the gospel, praying for us, and dreaming with us of a world made right.  We can get excited for our brothers and sisters and know that God is going to use their passion for great things in the world even if that means we won’t spend this life physically together.

                I know that I have family here in Tampa.  They have challenged me, inspired me, loved me, and held me accountable.  Just the other night I had the opportunity to go into Ybor to pray, worship, and converse with anyone who was willing.  David, Sam, James, Kelly, Charlene (Bryant in prayer from home), and I set out with our bibles, a guitar, a small djembe, and an egg shaker.  We set up right on seventh avenue and while Sam, James, and Charlene set up and began to worship in the midst of the chaos David, Kelly, and I prayer walked the street to try and hear from the Spirit and to lift up Ybor to God.  After the walk I joined with the other three and Kelly and David went for another lap.  Throughout the night we played and sang about God’s love and brought him praise in a place that his name is not normally heard.  Everyone who walked by had a reaction, some good, some bad.  I was amazed that even in the facial expressions of passer bys there was a stark contrast to how they reacted to the street preacher with a megaphone across the street.  People were compelled as to why a group of young adults would sing about Jesus, what we were doing in a place like that.  But, what I believe is Jesus would have been in places exactly like Ybor.

By the end of the night we had talked to a ton of people about Jesus.  We were able to send all the donations offered to us across the street to our homeless friend Henry.  We prayed for another homeless man Marco as he wept about the brokenness in his life.  We talked with a young group of Muslim men from the Sudan about Jesus and got their permission to continue the conversation on facebook.  We also were called hippies, cursed out, and generally mocked by a few, but it did not phase us.  We knew that if nothing else we worshiped in, prayed for, and gave God all the glory we could in a very dark place. 

                With that in mind I want to leave you with one challenge/call.  The opportunity to worship God in Ybor with brothers and sisters was incredible; but it cannot stop at that one night.  Like the widow in Luke 18, in a world that is entirely non-God fearing we MUST persist.  As I debriefed from the night with David we dreamed about the impact a group could have on 7^th Ave just by worshiping God each night in the midst of the chaos.  As we talked David said something that blew me away.  He told me a story about coming to Ybor another night and hearing someone pray about how the Devil fears what they were doing.  In response he couldn’t help but think that “Maybe the devil does not fear us because plenty of Christians have done this once.”

                My call, my challenge is to persistence.  A couple verses after Jesus tells about the persistent widow he asks these questions, “will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? ⁸ I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?”  Does this last question haunt you a little.  It should.  Will there even be faith when Jesus returns?  Are we willing to persist, to sacrifice in order to draw others to Christ.  Will we call out day and night, cry out because of injustice?  I know that this is the desire of my heart, but I also know that I cannot do it alone.  I praise God for brothers and sisters around the world who will head this call alongside me.  I praise God for the encouragement I feel in this community without walls.  I cannot express adequately how much love and encouragement I have received from friends like David this summer.  As I fly home today, he flies to the Philippines.  And I know that in God’s grace and mercy he will persist there!  That brings me so much joy.

Pray as hard as you possibly can, but don’t trust your prayer - trust the one you are praying to.  Plan a structure for campus ministry, but don’t trust the structure - trust the one it seeks to glorify.  Work hard at Theology and at mission, but don’t trust what you are doing, trust GOD!  Let’s be a people that resonate with Jesus and in his name and power change the world.  We can do it, we serve a big God.

 

Thank you for being a part of this experience with me.  Thank you so much for all of your prayers and support.  There is not a doubt in my mind that I would not have been able to learn and grow the way I have without faithful supporters in my life.  Thank you for allowing me to pursue God’s call on my life.  Thank you for loving my friends and brothers in the Timothy Initiative.  Thank you for holding love and justice for the world in your hearts.  If you have any praise for me give it to God.  If Jesus does not get the glory all of this is for naught!

Weeping For Injustice

Update 7.24.11 

This week I wanted to give you all the opportunity to hear from George himself about the Initiative.  Hope this video answers some questions you may have about what I am doing and working with addiction in general.

Weeping for Injustice

Friday during devotion George told us about a mother who he had never met that had emailed him about help for her son.  The young man is severely addicted to drugs and had just recently stolen from his father and took off.  The woman explained that she had not heard from him and was worried about him; that he had tried many programs and always returned to his addiction, and she asked George for help/ advice.

                As George talked about this story I could tell he was getting emotional and he explained that he did not really know what to do with an email like that.  If you watched the video above you know that there are only three real options for an addict who does not want to be well: institution, prison, or death.  George was conflicted that he had very little to offer this woman as encouragement even though he would like to have good news for her; George knows that he cannot help this boy or any addict that doesn’t want to get well.  George connected this to a point that as the men in the Initiative we must take recovery seriously because the stakes are high.  We have to avoid petty arguments, and be willing to be humble and gracious as we live in community so that we can avoid conflict that may cause a brother to relapse (with some specific current examples since there was a little dissention in the houses this week)...

                Finishing up, George asked us all to join him in prayer for this young man, feeling like this was the best way we could try to help the young man.  I was really hit hard by the story, by George being emotional, and by the reality of the stakes of addiction.  As we began to pray, I couldn’t help but weep (as much as I tried not to cry in front of the guys).  I began to pray and ask for peace for the boy’s family, but not really knowing what to pray for, I asked God to do something that would stop this boy’s path from ending in death and, still trying to figure out what that might look like, I asked God to send someone but, feeling that was inadequate for the situation, my heart cried out “God send an Angel!”   I will most likely never know the end of this young man’s story in this life, but I hope and pray that I will know him when I see him in heaven...

The biggest reason I wanted to tell this story is because I wanted to share something I believe.  Sometimes when we are faced with injustice the only Biblically orthodox appropriate response is to weep.  Do you know the feeling of that overwhelming emotion welling up inside of you?  I realize that it is hard for some of us to weep but there is something deeper that comes before tears...  One very cool thing is that Jesus wept, and he also had the experience immediately before it. 

In John 11:30-35, as Jesus is coming back to a dead Lazarus and a mourning town/ Martha and Mary, he is profoundly moved when he sees Mary’s weeping and desperation.  By verse thirty five he is weeping, but what happens in the Greek of the verse before is too difficult to express cleanly in English.  Most translations say that Jesus is “deeply moved in spirit and troubled” which is a good translation but does not present a full enough picture.  The words in Greek that are used are ἐνεβριμήσατο (en e bri may sa tah)— “deeply moved”, which also literally means groan or snort (internally for Jesus) and is often used to describe the groan/whinny of a horse; and ἐτάραξεν (e ta rak sen)- “troubled” but also stir up or disturb.  I know this is sort of academic, but the reason I think these definitions are cool is because these words imply that something within Jesus is physically against what is before him, it is as if his spirit literally groans within him to see Mary weeping, and on a large scale at injustice.  Like the whinny of a horse something is stirred up/ rises  up in Jesus that is angry, troubled and disturbed by injustice to the point that we get verse 35 “Jesus wept.”  If we believe that Jesus is fully God then we have to believe from context that in this moment he knew that he was going to raise Lazarus AND YET HE WEEPS.  The victory over death itself is about to happen, a dead man is about to walk out of a tomb and Jesus weeps; not only because he loves his friend but because his spirit is so trouble by injustice.  Guys, I think we can learn so much from this vulnerable moment of our savior.  Do we weep for injustice, is it contrary to our spirit, does that same Spirit of Christ really live in us if it is not?  We are confident and sure that Jesus has already won the battle and yet the injustice of the world deeply moves us. 

I don’t say this to condemn anyone who can’t cry, or to try and make anyone feel guilty about not “caring enough” about injustice.  It is not vindictive or from a place of judgment, but honestly in humility to try and say, “let’s try to be a people more like our savior, let’s be willing to really encounter injustice to let truth penetrate our protective walls in a way that it effects us emotionally/spiritually.”  And, let’s be a people that, like Jesus, does not stop at weeping, but with power acts in a way that redeems injustice for God’s glory!  There was no doubt that day when Lazarus walked out of his tomb that God had moved. Maybe the reason why we don’t feel like we see this as much today is because we have not really allowed ourselves to be deeply moved in spirit... 

Thoughts, responses? (Comment below)

The Accident

Unfortunately, this week Will and his fiancé Laura were in an accident. Someone T-boned them at a bad intersection.  Thankfully they are both fine.  Interestingly, while Will was talking to the police officer on scene this conversation happened:

The Officer: There is this group of Christian people that all live together and they are trying to change the city or something.

Will:  Oh, Really?

The Officer: Yea.

Will:  Yea, I am one of those people.

The Officer: Oh cool...

                When police officers see educated persons who are white in this section of Tampa they immediately question why they would be here.  First they assume drugs.  When you get them past that point they are usually a little confused and, for the members of the Underground, this is the place where they explain who they are and what they are trying to do.  The reason the above conversation is significant is because this police officer knew about the Underground community!!! 

WORK - Dale’s Story

This week we started two house remodeling jobs for a new company.  Going into the week we knew that the stakes were high: work hard and up to expectations, and then have work for the Contracting business forever... Or not.  Thankfully, the week was incredible.  While in the first interview about work, the “Bosses” had no interest in what the Initiative was and only cared about how much work we could get done.  But, as the week went on, they were so impressed with how much work Initiative Builds had gotten done that when George walked in, the ten staff at the office walked out to see him since we were  “kicking butt on the jobsite.”  The bosses listened to what the Initiative was about and were even talking amongst themselves about how cool it was. 

This makes me think of two passages and it makes me really proud of the Initiative Men.  First, it makes me think of Colossians 3:23-24, “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, ²⁴ since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.” Second, it makes me think of 1 Peter 2:12  “Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.”  The Men in the Initiative worked in a way this week that by their deeds the work of God was visible to their “pagan” bosses.  They worked hard.  They worked hard in sobriety.  They worked hard in sobriety for their own sobriety.  They worked hard in sobriety for sobriety by the grace of God.  They worked hard in sobriety for sobriety by the grace of God and indeed he was glorified...  It showed.  It shows.  (I had a friend explain that this was confusing what I mean is that even though some of these men have barely gone two weeks since having a drink they are required to be sober to work with the Initiative.  On top of this the work itself is a strategy of the Initiative “work therapy” – so they are literally working towards and for their own sobriety.)

Anyway, one of the best parts of this new work for the Initiative is that it’s brought almost all of the men together in one place for the week, and it allowed us all to work as a team.  We spent the week together and were able to get much accomplished.  One of my favorite times of the day was lunch.  At lunch we all got to sit together and just talk, usually about stories from the guys’ eventful pasts.  I can’t remember which day he told the story, but Dale’s story this week took the cake.  We were all talking about the open container law (one of the guys had an old charge that he had to go to court for this week) and, more specifically, Dale’s Dixie cup theory.  Dale explained that the homeless are constantly getting open container tickets and then repeat offender violations and jail time.  But, he explained that he sees tons of college students and other people walking in and out of clubs and down the street with their drinks in Dixie cups all night but never getting in trouble.  So, if you are going to drink in Ybor, drink out of a Dixie cup.  We all gave him a hard time about his theory so for emphasis he told a story about how he got an open container charge when he didn’t even have an open container.   Here is a recreation of his story,

Well I was just drinking in an alley with a buddy of mine and all of a sudden he fell over right on his head and knocked himself clear out.  I went over to see if he was alright, but I couldn’t get him to wake up and he had a pretty good egg on his head.   I only had a little beer left in my can (motions with hand) so I downed it, threw the can over my shoulder and I dragged him down the alley towards the street.  Right as I was getting to the road police cars and an ambulance rolled up, apparently someone must have seen me dragging him outta the alley and called them.  A police officer walked up to me and asked if we had been drinking and I told him yes.  Then he went back to the car and when he came back he gave me an open container.  So, when I went to court I just told the judge, ‘you think I coulda dragged a two hundred something pound man out of the alley with a beer in my hand.’ 

While it is impossible to recreate Dale’s unique voice and style of telling stories, what I can say is that he brings a lot of laughter to the jobsite (the ridiculousness of the idea of what someone might be thinking as they see Dale dragging an unconscious man down an alley had all of us laughing).  There are always typical Dale responses.  For example this week I asked him to tell me about his tattoos and he replied, “They hurt.”  He always has something interesting to say and he has a lot of funny stories and perspectives, and although they come out of a difficult past, that’s what makes Dale who he is and we love him for it!

Spiritual One-Three Liners from the summer

Here are some of the “one liners” from my classes and church that I really like so I figured I would share them!

“It is our care for the helpless, our practice of loving kindness that brands us in the eyes of our many opponents.” –Tertullian

Knowledge is arrogance when it is rooted in us but a gift of the Spirit when it comes from relationship with God.

The Ethic of Agape (What would love do?) <-- this is the main thing, and the main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing.

Jesus was a person for others, his followers must be persons for others!

We can’t be the tragedy of a middle school dance; our relationship with Jesus moves us, almost involuntary, like good music.  This is the music we hear and we must dance.  (about caring for the poor and lost)

We are not the church unless we do damage to the gates of hell

Our actions do not make us holy unless they are done in reverence to God and are inspired by him

The cross does not offer a transaction but a transformation

Grace is the power to provide the exception --- God gives grace to the humble, humility is the fear of the Lord, the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.  So God gives grace to those who fear the Lord, Grace is power, God gives power to the humble. (insert the beatitudes)

Jesus didn’t die to make us Christians, he died to make us true human beings, back in touch with our creator.

We are taught by martyrs that we are not tested by gain but by our willingness to suffer.  Any ideology is spread through sacrifice.

To be a Christian is to not resist evil à turn the other cheek à double the evil and expose it for what it is

We are not the church if we do not do mission. We are not Jesus people if we do not proclaim his name to the world.  There should be no doubt

The degree in which you dabble in wealth is the degree in which you lose your footing to be prophetic to power

Help the Christians in your fellowship know that they are immortal and you will have a courageous community.

What to Pray for:

The biggest thing this week iis please pray the God will help me to finish well here, and that he will help me prepare to get back on campus.  Pray that I will be diligent enough to do the work and planning that is necessary to be ready as a leader, but more importantly that I will not forget that all of my planning is a waste if I am not following God.  Pray for me that I will remember to push deeper into prayer and my quiet time and to not let planning take over my relationship with God!

A Big Week!

Update 7.17.11

                First of all I want to say that I know these are long and I don’t expect you to read everything unless you really want to.  That is why I always put my prayer requests at the bottom so you can skip there at any point.  That is also the reason that I divide everything into sections so you can pick parts that seem interesting to you.  I want to be thorough as I process and also in an effort to be transparent and hopefully bring some of what I am experiencing to life for whoever reads this (know that each one of these usually only gets to half of what I wanted to talk about for that week).  Thankyou for your support and prayers! 

This was a tumultuous week with some big changes happening within the Initiative.  I feel like I accomplished one of my big objectives of the summer and I have been doing some thinking, so watch out!

Adequacy

I mentioned earlier in the summer that the cry of my heart is simply to be faithful, and it has continually come up all summer in most of my quiet times.  Over and over I have come to God just laying down my plans and opening up to whatever he might have for me. As we prayed just the other night I felt this overwhelming desire again, but this time I was able to put my finger on a second emotion that I think has been there the whole time.  Mixed in with that desire was the fear (maybe even belief) that I wouldn’t; I would not live up to what God was calling me to.  I know myself, I know my track record and I am so thankful that God sees me as I am becoming.  He knows what I can accomplish, but there are still times when along with my desire to obey I have a dread that I simply won’t.  I can place this as a lack of faith, and although I know the truths of scripture about God being in control, and that the Spirit is leading me, I still doubt, or feel inadequate and destined to fail. 

Anyways, I discussed some of these feelings with my pastoral care teacher and I got a little emotional about it.  He replied, smiling, “You must be one of those human beings I have been hearing about.”  That was so simple but so encouraging.  I am writing about this because I think adequacy is something that many of us struggle with in some form or another.  As I look at the movement of God on my campus, and some of the ways I believe he has called me to lead, and when I look at this community in Tampa and the ways he is calling me to contribute here and in the future, I often go to Him and, like Moses say, “I think you have the wrong guy because of x,y,z.”  But, I can also say that in my life it is these moments of feeling helpless or inadequate that really drive me to rely more fully on God, and he has always been faithful.    

Trust the Spirit.  We are going to fail, a lot.   God can use even our worst to bring himself glory, that is redemption by definition, and he loves to do it in our lives.  I know that adequacy will be something I always wrestle with.  I know that my desire to be genuine and never hypocritical, as well as to be faithful, will continue to cause me to doubt my own ability, but I also know that as long as I run to God in those times he will see me through.  In my weakness he is strong.  I will leave this with a quote from a book I am reading called Radical by David Platt, “Why would we ever want to settle for Christianity according to our ability or settle for church according to our resources?  The power of the one who raised Jesus from the dead is living in us, and as a result we have no need to muster up our own might.  Our great need is to fall before an Almighty Father day and night and to plead for him to show his radical power in and through us enabling us to accomplish for his glory what we could never imagine in our own strength.”

Structure Diagrams, I like them (my breakthrough)

For the sake of length, , let me boil down the details of one of the biggest goals of my summer and how God broke through and opened my eyes to something I had been seeking for a while.  Over the last three years at UNH, we have been changing the structure of how we do things to try and empower students and reach the lost.  There is a lot of information in this section, so feel free to skip it if it doesn’t interest you.  I will do my best to make my conclusions in the last paragraph of this section so you don’t miss too much.  Here is the super boiled down version that leads to what I have been thinking about this summer in my train of thought: 

Intervarsity structure change over the last three years, lessons and dreams in that process, hope of a ministry the does discipleship and evangelism at the same time, that teaches students how to do community, to be the church, and to live a life that constantly reaches out to others.  My dream longing desire for an empowered body of believers at UNH!  Bring the Kingdom!

This week in a conversation over lunch, I discussed Intervarsity and what I have been doing at UNH the last three years with Jeremy, the Director of Micro Church Development with the Underground.  Jeremy is an Intervarsity guy and worked on staff for ten years.  He is also a 1 on the Enneagram  (a Reformer), like myself.  (Big side note: The Enneagram test is it is a personality test that is divided into nine parts.  You take a forced answer quiz and it gives you your result.  It is very interesting and helpful especially in community and you can check it out here if you would like, if you do tell me your results in the comments below: http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/Tests_Battery.asp (click on the free RHETI sampler).)  Reformers are typically:

“The principled, idealistic type. Ones are conscientious and ethical, with a strong sense of right and wrong. They are teachers, crusaders, and advocates for change: always striving to improve things, but afraid of making a mistake. Well-organized, orderly, and fastidious, they try to maintain high standards, but can slip into being critical and perfectionistic. They typically have problems with resentment and impatience. At their Best: wise, discerning, realistic, and noble. Can be morally heroic.” 

If you know me well, that fits.  The reason this is important is because Jeremy and I speak the same language, are motivated largely by the same things and both have a desire to try and reform the structure of how we do Intervarsity on our campuses to empower students and to put outreach at the heart of everything we do. ..  It was an incredible conversation.  I don’t even know where to start nor do I think you really want to read all of it, but I took a couple key things from the conversation that opened my eyes to what feels like a missing piece in the current structure at UNH.

So here is the conclusion.  I am dreaming about legacy, not my name, but about what I am leaving as I graduate this year.  What will Intervarsity look like next year?  How can I pass off and raise up leadership and leaders?  This summer I have constantly been asking how I am going to take what I am learning here and apply it at school; how I am going to prevent everything I am learning from being only head knowledge and not affecting my heart to action.  I have wrestled, felt stuck against a wall, and have been constantly praying for God to help me to know how to lead at UNH this year.  As I talked with Jeremy, racked my brain against his, and just threw ideas out I really felt God opening my eyes to answers to so many of my questions.  That night I spent four hours taking a structure diagram Jeremy sent me and reworking it to fit the UNH campus.  More important than a diagram, it is an outline within which I believe we can do ministry that holds discipleship and evangelism in harmony, while simultaneously keeping both at the heart of what we are about.  Are the Christians in the group growing closer in their walk? Are they seeing God move, moving to follow him, and praising him the whole time? Are they then being sent out to being good news to the lost in an intentional and invitational way?  These are my questions as I evaluate what I am doing at UNH and I am excited about what came together that night.  I believe that God has big plans for UNH, and I am excited to be a part of them!

The Issue

Two recovering addicts in the Initiative acted like full blown addicts this week, and much of the week was defined by dealing with their behavior and the resulting consequences.   The Giddens house has six men living in it who are recovering from various forms of addiction.  This week, two of the men who live there decided to go to a restaurant and, while they were there, have some drinks.  Neither has an alcohol addiction, but this directly breaks the rules of the house that they live in. Both men are married, but separated from their wives.  One of these men , I’ll call him Bob, is separated from his wife because he has a severe sex addiction and has been unfaithful many, many times.  Bob currently is working to get his wife and kids back, but in the mean time have no contact with his wife (and really no right to contact her until she is ok with it).  The second man, I’ll call him Sam, is separated because of his gambling addiction, amongst other things.  Both men in their addiction are manipulators.

                While they were out, Bob somehow found out that his wife was going out, but could not find out who she was with or where she was going.  He began to fear the worst that she was out with another man and, in a desire to control the situation, he began to call around to try and find out where she was.  When he saw that Bob was upset, Sam asked him what was wrong.  Bob explained the situation to Sam (who is very early on in recovery) and in reply Sam suggested that he could try and find out through his wife who is in friend circles with Bob’s wife.  The two continued to manipulate the situation by calling around and harassing some of Bob’s wife’s friends...  Eventually the two came home and they ended up telling their housemates about the drinking.  Because he was upset, Bob went down the street to a park where he likes to hang out.  While this doesn’t seem like a big deal, the problem is that it was late at night, the park is known for prostitution, and he is a sex addict.

                This is the situation that George and Will had to respond to, not only to the breaking of house rules, but more importantly, to full blown addiction mode, and Bob, who is six months into his recovery, making such a big mistake and acting like he hasn’t learned anything.  At a meeting to discuss the issue, Bob apologized for drinking and breaking the rules, but George explained to Bob It wasn’t about the drinking, it was about the manipulation the desire for control.  

                As George continued, he explained to Bob that there were four things from the night that Bob did wrong which showed George that he was acting in addiction mode.  First, he fell into a situation that caused him stress and he didn’t call his sponsor.  Instead, he went to Sam knowing that he would get what he wanted to hear.  Second, he made himself the victim in the situation and forgot that he has no right to know where or whom his wife is with.  Third, he drank. Even though it is not his addiction, drinking impairs one’s judgment and is not a good idea for anyone in recovery.  And fourth, he put himself in a position to relapse.  He went to a bar full of other people with impaired judgment and a sex addiction.  What would happen if a girl in the bar who has been drinking sees a good looking man and comes over?   And, finally, he put himself in a position to relapse by going to the park where there is known prostitution.

Bob wants to do what is right, but wants to be told what to do. He asks for grace and mercy every time he makes a mistake, but as a manipulation tool, not because he is truly repentant or ready to take initiative in his own recovery.  Because of this George and Will gave him two options:  pursue his own recovery by taking initiative, finding a new sponsor to replace George (so he cannot just rely on George telling him what to do), and moving into the other Initiative house called the Seward house, or leave.  Thankfully he chose to stay and he has now moved into the Seward House. Pray for Bob as he continues his recovery and works towards reconciliation with his wife!

Sadly, the meeting with Sam did not go as well.  People have to want recovery.  This is true for any man who begins this process in his life.  George and Will were warned that Sam did not want it and was not repentant, and in ministry to recovering addicts you cannot work with someone who is unrepentant and unwilling.  This is why Sam was wrong right from when he joined the Initiative.  Whether it was the fact that he was late to his first meeting about joining, or that he wanted to wait a couple weeks until he joined, there were many signs that he was not ready and George and Will take responsibility for not seeing that as leaders.

While the meeting with Bob was marked by his repentance and humility, and finally his good decision to take initiative, the meeting with Sam was marked with a prideful attitude, and the questioning of George and Will’s authority.  The meeting was like pulling teeth; Sam kept trying to change the subject to talk about other people, even saying, “I wish I could talk to him because I don’t know what he told you,” as if he wanted to get his story straight.  George and Will tried to explain, but he didn’t get that it was not about the drinking.  He tried to explain away the whole night as roomie bonding.  Eventually, in a last ditch effort, Will explained the night as he saw it by saying:

I see two addicts going to a bar, one addict leading the other who is doing well.  He is on step ten of the twelve steps, and he is working with his wife and kids to try and get them back.  But, addict 1, under the pretense of bonding, manipulates the situation with the sex addict’s wife.  So, now, in direct consequence of these actions, the sex addict has to start the steps over, he has to find a new sponsor, and he could have lost his wife and kids forever.

After he finished, Will explained to Sam that he had two options: either quit his job and check into a rehab program with the Initiative as a sponsor, or leave with an invitation to help from the Initiative whenever he decided he wanted to be well.  Even though George and Will gave him 24 hours to pray and decide, early the next morning he packed his bags, called for his checks and left.  Pray for Sam.

                One of the biggest problems in this whole scenario was misdirection.  Satan made it about drinking in the guys’ minds, but that is not what it was about; it was about addictive behavior.  George and Will were less concerned with a rule being broken.  The real issue was that Bob, after six months, seemed to have made very little progress in his recovery, and Sam, who was still fairly new, clearly had the wrong motives (housing) and didn’t actually want to be well.  George and Will truly want to see whole life change in these men’s lives.  It is not about obeying the rules, but becoming fully human again in the way that God has created them and to strip away the mentality of poverty or helplessness, to help these men take initiative in their own recovery.  But, they can only point the way and do their best to handle situations like this one with wisdom and grace. 

A question         

        A couple weeks ago in my History of Christian Action class we came across an interesting question.  We were talking about St. Francis and his life and, in particular, an event where he goes before the Pope to request permission to start his own order (monastic movement).  We watched a video on youtube about the event (which you can watch here if you want http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-msmuDZfRs  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYH2WS3CU6A  watch this one to 6:42). This portrayal shows Francis who is a Mendicant (a monk dedicated to extreme poverty) entering the Vatican for the first time.  Overwhelmed and greatly troubled by the building and decorations and excessively lavish clothing of everyone inside, Francis begins to quote Matthew 6:19-34ish, talking about not storing up treasures or worrying.  At first he is thrown out, but then the pope, convicted by the scripture, calls to have him brought back in.

        In the conversation that follows, the Pope listens to Francis’s request and, in his humility, one of the questions that Francis asks is essentially:” Is it presumptuous of us to read the Bible and try to live like Jesus lived?”  (not that you need to know but if you didn’t watch the video the Pope tells Francis that he has put everyone in the Vatican to shame because of his great faith in God and before the Pope gets swept away by the Vatican people around him he blesses Francis to start his order and kisses Francis’ hands and super dirty feet.)

This is a great question.  I think very often our natural response to reading Scripture is that something is different now than it was then that makes it so that we cannot possibly live like Jesus lived, or live like the church in Acts.  So the question I will leave you with is whether or not this is true.  Is it presumptuous to read Scripture and try and live like Jesus lived?

Things to pray for:

·        Praise: we got work for the contracting business from a company that buys and sells homes.  Today was our first day of work and it went really well.  If all goes well this opportunity could provide constant work for Initiative Builds forever, and help open the door for Will and George to help even more men.

·         A new guy in the initiative, Jeff.  Jeff came to Will and George asking for help to change his life and since then has moved into the Pink House, started working with the Initiative, and is now six days sober and counting.  Pray that God will give him the strength to continue this fight.

·         Praise: the family that Ricky has been helping and I have been asking you to pray for is in a home for six weeks as of Wednesday and they now have the opportunity to turn their lives around!

·         Pray for one of the men, Jefferson.  This week he moved from the Seward house which is four guys and fairly individualistic living to the Giddens house which has six people and is all communal living based.  The reason for this move is that he needs community – no one can be a deeply spiritual person alone, and if we are not reaching out to and discipling others we can’t really be faithful.  The desert fathers who went to be monks in the desert to get away from a corrupt church in the first few centuries AD mostly had encounters with demons in their time of isolation.  This is true for Jesus, as well. He goes to the desert to be alone but instead he finds and is tempted by Satan.  George and Will believe the next step for Jefferson’s growth is to move from extreme isolation to community and mission.  Please pray for his transition.

·         Pray for me as I try to make the most of the last two weeks!  Pray that I will continue to learn, grow and be stretched while I am here in Tampa.

      Again thankyou.  In His Love,

  

      ~Kyle

                                                                                                                                       

All the Time

7.12.11 Video update!!!

So I hate video of myself, but I really don't think I can capture this nor do I want to try and type all of this up because there is a lot more that I want to blog about.  Sorry for how bad the quality is, the sound is decent good enough to listen to anyway.  God is good all the time, and today was an amazing day!

~Kyle

Good News

Update 7.9.11

I want to focus a little less on all the academics this week and a little more on reflection.  There are some things that I have had you praying for that God has answered!  There are some things that are new that I am wrestling with.  Really the goal of this update is to share in praise for God’s goodness and to seek him for his guidance as I continue forward this summer.  Also for everyone who is getting this if you would like to hear a sermon from the church I am attending while I am down here go to this link: http://sermon.net/underground  I highly recommend this week’s sermon on Corinthians 11.  The church here is not afraid to look at hard passages and the message this morning was amazing!  If you are open to be challenged and you enjoy good preaching and bible study check it out!

Good News!

Ok, so first things first.  As I type this I am not homeless.  I have been planning a homeless weekend where I would go without a home guided by a friend of the underground who lives in the streets.  In an earlier post this summer I talked about a man named Dale and how he left to go back to the streets.  In the following post I spelled out a conversation that we had with Dale and how difficult it was to try and help a person who does not think they need it and does not want to get well.  So over the last couple weeks I have been talking with George and with Dale about going to spend the weekend with him. 

Last Saturday I asked Dale if it would be ok for me to join him this weekend and he told me that he had to figure a few things out, but that might work.   The reason that I am not on the streets even right now is that Dale has decided to come back (this is a direct answer to prayer, thank you to those of you who have been praying for Dale, praise God)!  Dale came back and said that he needed to talk to George and Will since he was ready to come back.  The two of them prepared to meet with him and talked through everything they felt they needed to say to Dale but when they met with Dale they were surprised as Dale said everything to them that they felt they needed to tell him.  He said he was tired of being on the streets, that he wanted to get right with God, that he was ready to recognize and try and get help for his alcoholism, and that he would do whatever George and Will needed him to do so they could help him.  George explained to me that he knows Dale really well and he can tell when he is lying or not being genuine and that in this conversation George knew Dale was sincere and that he really wanted to pursue a better life.  He explained that in hard conversations it is really easy to think that the other person isn’t hearing a word that you are saying, but as he talked to Dale, Dale kept repeating back to him many of the things they talked about in previous conversations.  Dale had a complete posture of humility; he recognized that he was wrong, that he could not help himself, and that he needed forgiveness form George and Will and help to get his life in order.

Here are some of the reasons that I think led to this process of Dale making such a radical turn around in a very short time period.  One surface level issue is that life on the streets is hard.  Since going to live on the streets a few weeks ago Dale has been robbed several times (of his bike, his hat, his tent), he has been sleeping on the concrete and flying a sign during the day to make money, he has been mugged and beat up.  When it rains like it did all last week is cold and wet, and then when it stops even at night he is hot and under attack from mosquitoes.  Even as he came back to The Initiative he has a black eye from the most recent time he got jumped.  Life on the streets is hard, but Dale knew this going in, and willingly chose that life over a house, protection from the rain, from getting robbed or beat up, and from the bugs; a couch to sleep on, and regular meals so there has to be something deeper.

    

  I believe that one of the biggest things this past week that affected Dale’s decision took place last Saturday, the same day I asked him if I could come spend a weekend with him.  He was visiting for the day and joining us for a fourth of July party and it was the first time he had seen most of the Timothy Initiative guys since he left to go live on the street a few weeks back.  As all the guys trickled into the kitchen every single one of them saw Dale and in a genuine but over the top greeting told him that they were happy to see him and that it was good to see him.  It was incredible how perfectly the timing was that as one group of guys walked in a said hi to Dale another would follow to the point that Dale got overwhelmed and felt what I believe was a deep longing for real community and a deep conviction in his heart springing up and being drawn out by the genuine love of his brothers!  When he couldn’t take it anymore he said, “man I am not gunna come around here no more,” to which George replied that the guys were just really happy to see him, and glad he was at the party.  Dale didn’t reply but I watched him and I couldn’t begin to tell you what he was thinking in that moment, but I do know that this kind of love produces a joy that does not exist in his life on the streets.  In our pastoral care class this week one of the things we talked about was that we must be careful with the person who does not want to get well because the truth is that when we are away from joy and love and community for too long we become unable to handle those good things like the starving person is made sick by food. 

Dale could not accept the love of his brothers because in his head he lives in a street mentality where that kind of sacrificial love not only does not exist but seems counter to everything necessary for survival.  Dale knows what it is like to be stolen from and beat for insignificant amounts of money and guys I honestly believe that something in Dale revolted against love at that party because he could not stomach it.  But, I also believe with all my heart that this moment was crucial to cracking deaths hold on a man who was literally living his life to die.  I think that love penetrates the darkest and hardest parts of even the most unrepentant and stubborn of hearts.  Know that I am crying as I type this and it is with reverence and wonder that consider a God who brings life out of death.  You only have to read the conversation I have recorded from Dale to know that it is ONLY by the grace of God and his love, and in this situation as it overflows out of broken men who in their own redemption reflect that love even in this simple way, that is capable of pulling someone like Dale from a path to destruction back to a place of life!  What else is there to live for if not to be vessels of this incredible love to a dying world, guys we cannot miss this, for the Dales in the world we cannot fail to love as we have been loved and I beg you wherever you are to join me in recognizing we are broken and in our brokenness have received grace and love and in our weakness but an abundance of God’s strength we simply cannot refrain from bringing this good news to a dark world.  Is it worse to be mocked for the way that we love or to have access to the incredible and all surpassing love of God, the truth and yet we remain silent?  Who are we pouring out love to in our lives?  Are we willing to sacrifice for Jesus and for the Gospel?  I know that so often I do not live up to this call, that I care more about what people think of me than what God thinks of me and as I praise God for the work he is doing in Dales life I want to strive to remember this calling and to live a life of love and sacrifice for others!

Sarah and the Kids

        

    Another thing that I asked you to pray for was the family that the guys and specifically Ricky have been trying to help.  This Friday was the day that time was up on the motel room the Timothy Initiative guys paid for and it was coming down to the wire on getting Sarah and her boys help.  To make matters worse they had to be out of the room at 10:30 on Friday morning and with nowhere to go they would be on the street in the pouring rain.  As Sarah texted Ricky and asked what she should do his stress was through the roof.  We were trying to finish up a job we had been working on all week but Ricky couldn’t focus, he was too worried about Sarah and the kids.  There was a possibility that the same afternoon Ricky would hear from the homeless help program he was trying to help get Sarah into but it wasn’t definite.  Also if everything couldn’t get processed on Friday (which it didn’t) Sarah and the kids would have to survive the weekend and wait until Monday for help from this organization...

In a climactic moment Danny pulled Ricky Watson and I into a back room of the house we were working in to pray.  We prayed for Sarah and her kids, for the situation and wisdom about what to do and we surrendered to God that he was in control.  After we prayed we talked about what we could do in the meantime until we heard from the organization.  Watson suggested that they let Sarah and her four boys stay at their house to keep them out of the rain until they could figure something else out.  Technically this breaks some timothy Initiative rules but the guys felt like they were in uncharted territory and decided this was the best option.  So, Danny went to go pick them up from the motel and he brought them to the Giddens house.

       

     Later that night Ricky called a homeless shelter called the Good Samaritan, or just the Good Sam.  He spoke with one of the directors of the shelter named John and explained the situation.  Typically It is very difficult to find a room for five people but thankfully this weekend there was a room for Sarah and her kids and they could stay until Monday!  The best part is that when Ricky said that would work and asked how much the room cost John told him the room was free.  Ricky told me later that almost instantly all of his stress was gone.  He felt like a weight had been lifted and he just thanked God that he provided.  Most people would not have tried to help Sarah and her kids and the complicated situation that they were in, but Ricky did!  He worked hard and sacrificed his own resources (which are very limited) to help them out and now they have an incredible opportunity to change their lives.  Thankyou for being a part of this work by praying for Sarah’s situation! 

The Street and Ybor

        

    Where I live on E 22 Ave. in Tampa is one of the poorest and, according to police records, dangerous places in the city.  The other day David my housemate and a friend from across the street Kelly met a man who owns a house in our neighborhood, but lives elsewhere.  When he found out that this is where we live he told them how bad our neighborhood was and offered to sell them a gun which he had in his car.  They politely refused, but were very surprised at this man’s harsh reaction to where we live.  I have to tell you that in truth we do live in a bad neighborhood.  Down the street from me just a few houses is a crack house, and on the corner probably 100 feet from my front door there have been several shootings over the years (no one from the underground though).  Down a street right next to mine a few months ago a 6’3’’ fairly built man from the underground was jumped by six men in masks.  They pistol whipped him and tortured him by putting a gun in his mouth as they robbed him.  Granted he was walking around at one in the morning, but these kinds of events are still sobering when I think about the place that I live.

           

     That is my street, but it doesn’t stop there, the underground building is located on 7^th Ave in Ybor city.  The street and that section of town is nationally known as Gaybor.  On 8^th street you will find many clubs, a scientology complex, strip clubs, sex “sin” shops, and even a gay bath house, and then on 7^th more of the same.  If you walk down either one of these streets on a weekend night you might encounter people inviting you to a zombie burlesque show or have a man invite you to a club with “five dolla beers and butt naked women.”  Its possible that you will see men and women wearing next to nothing, men and women, men and men, women and women, all showing way too much affection in public, and then of course the homeless sleeping in the street.  Also If you want alcohol, drugs or sex they are readily available.  As I walked down 7^th the other night I had a profound sense of sadness, and also anger.  I feel like there is so much death and darkness in Ybor, so much that it almost feels hopeless.  But it reminds me of the story behind song “God of This City” by a band called Bluetree and made famous by Chris Tomlin.  Check out this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kXh_tgjnYJw  to hear what I am talking about.  Basically God is God, and he is sovereign over all cities and even the darkest parts of Ybor.  I have been blessed to be a part of the work the underground is doing in Tampa and I believe that even when it seems helpless, greater things are yet to come here!

     

       The reason I am bringing these things up is because I wanted to share something.  I have never felt unsafe in my house here in Tampa.  I have never felt afraid that something bad would happen to me, or afraid of my street.  Occasionally I will sit out in front of my house at night and just pray over the street and I just feel right being here, knowing that this is where Jesus probably would have come.  Part of why I love the Underground and wanted to come be a part of this community this summer was because I believe they have faithfully followed God into a dangerous and difficult place, and that because of their faithfulness there is a sense of hope being restored to my neighborhood and Ybor.

What would Jesus Do?

        

    To try and wrap this update up without going too much longer I want to tell you one quick story and leave you with a question.  AS David and I walked back to his car after one of our classes at the Underground a drunk man stumbled up to us at the curb.  Nearly falling over and through heavily slurred speech he told us he needed four dollars to get into a club and he wanted to know if we had any change.  To this David replied that he had change, but not money, that he had real change in Jesus, and he asked the man if this is really what he wanted to live for...  The man took a little while to even process what David was saying because of how drunk he was, but then waved his hand dismissing us and stumbled on his way.  As we kept walking David and I walked about what had just happened.  One of the questions David asked me, a little exasperated, was “What would Jesus have done in that situation?”  That is my question for you.  I feel like I don’t really know what Jesus would have done, I have some ideas, but I am really not certain.  That being said, I bet some of you reading this probably have some good ideas so instead of sharing what I am thinking I would love to hear your feedback.  What would Jesus do if approached in this way? (I don’t know that there is a right answer to this question, but I do think that it is worth talking about.) 

There are a couple other things I wanted to write about but I think I will save them for a blog post in the middle of this week...

Things to be praying for:

       

     Answered prayer, we caught up on the jobsite and finished the tiling on time and it came out great!!!

          

      There was a situation with two of the guys just a couple days ago where they broke the rules of the house, and decisions have to be made about consequences and the right steps to take forward.  Please pray for wisdom for George, Will, Ricky, and Danny as they try to figure out what to do.

      

      Pray now as I figure out whether or not I can still spend a weekend on the streets, or if instead it will make more sense to do something like spend a day on the street trying to get the 8 dollars I need to spend the night in a shelter, only to be woken up and kicked out at 5 a.m.  Pray that God will help me to seek him in this as an opportunity to grow and learn and not as a notch in my spiritual belt.

Pray for Dale as he works towards recovery!

Pray for Sarah and her kids as they transition to a new step in their new life.  Pray that Sarah will be motivated to make the most of this opportunity to find work, and pray that she will be able to get a job!

Pray also for me that everything I am learning will not just be head knowledge, but truth that penetrates my heart and motivates me to live for Christ!

           

Thankyou for your prayers and support! 

In His Love,

~Kyle